Reply to Lost my sex drive, what to do to get it back?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you love your spouse and want to keep him, schedule it once a week.

Once every 3-4 months is close to no sex. It's not sustainable.[/quote]

I'm not sure exactly what you're suggesting here, but making yourself have sex when you aren't actually enjoying sex is a good way to make your sex drive tank even further. That's the opposite of what OP needs to do. [/quote]

Not the PP to whom you're responding but you're wrong.

Do a little research. Scheduling sex is a technique many, many sex therapists, sex advice columnists and people on DCUM recommend. When one has young kids it is extremely difficult to find times to have sex.

And for some couples, if they have the right mindset, scheduling can actually become part of the fun, creating anticipation that can develop into arousal as the "date" gets closer.

Some say that scheduling times (and places) to have sex "kills the spontaneity" but it does not have to unless you let it. How we think about sex really does matter. Turning from "It feels like pressure, it's not spontaneous" to "I'm already thinking of things I'd like to do...." can happen. But both partners have to make an effort. To OP-- talk about scheduling sex not as a chore or obligation but as a couples time, and mention to your DH things you want to try (and want him to try). Experiment with toys or new lingerie or whatever works. Get your minds into the game, in advance. [/quote]

You all know that sex while you were dating was scheduled as well, right? You knew you were having a date, so you planned on having sex. You bought condoms. You shaved your legs. You made sure your underwear was the good/clean/not the ripped stuff. What makes spontaneous sex so great, anyway? I like the PP's thoughts above about ANTICIPATION. That is what makes sex good. Not the fact that you can do it whenever. It is that you WANT to do it, you are anticipating how great it is going to be. 
[/quote]

I think the difference is the fact that you didn’t just schedule sex— you scheduled dates. You were going to be the center of one another’s attention. You were both going to make an effort to be your most attractive. You were both going to make an effort that the other person was enjoying themselves. You kicked out the roommates. You were going to flirt and make eye contact and touch unnecessarily. And THEN in a conducive atmosphere of anticipation and privacy you had sex.  People talking about not liking scheduled sex mean they don’t like that what’s scheduled is intercourse like it’s another chore, not scheduling the hours for their spouse to impress and seduce them that took place during dating.

Spouses who take hours impressing and seducing each other don’t need to schedule sex.[/quote]

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