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[quote=Anonymous]Estrangement is not always for good reason.  Sometimes parents are estranged from family members because THEY are unstable or toxic.  My SIL has borderline personality disorder, at least, and veers from extreme closeness and dependency to malignant paranoia, which spreads form one person she suspected of trying to steal from her to another and another.  Sometimes I am the favored aunt.  Sometimes I am her mortal enemy.

Meanwhile my nephews are jerked around at her every whim.  I send them birthday and Christmas cards and presents every year, whether she is speaking to me or not.  It is not their fault that their birthday may fall when their mom’s pendulum has swing to hate us.  I always call and text and try to be in touch.  One day, out of the blue, she will let us back in.  Sometime later, out of the blue, we will be banished again.

The kids are old enough now to know that it is not us that decides whether we are in touch.  We love them always and want yo see them always and remember them always.  They know they have gotten cards and gifts each year no matter what, even if they did not always receive them.  I’m a world when so much else is uncertain for them, they know at least that we will never stop trying and never stop loving them.[/quote]

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