Reply to Bad Influences — how to limit interactions?

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[quote=Anonymous]Op, I have so much to say about this. First it’s developmentally normal to push boundaries and try new behaviors on for size. Your job as a parent is to realize your kid is just navigating new and tricky waters and you have to be clear about boundaries should she cross them.

Second, your daughter is drawn to this friend because that girl is able to do something she is not yet fully able to do or has been scared to do but wants to do, which is not be compliant and well behaved, but push all the boundaries.

Third, as someone who was raised to be very compliant and well behaved, I can tell you from experience that it is not how you want to raise your daughter.  As an adult, it made it almost impossible for me to stand up for myself, let alone stand up for others, challenge people in authority who were obviously being inappropriate, among other lasting impacts.

Fourth, your daughter will interact with people like this for the rest of her life. You have to give her the skills to identify when friends don’t have her best interests at heart, and to set appropriate limits.

All that said, she is young, and you still have a lot of influence/control over who she spends her time with, and I think it’s perfectly reasonable for you to limit interactions with a friend who has a lot of problematic behavioral issues.  If it were me, I’d severely limit interactions where I am not present, and only do interactions where I am there to witness. That way I can see what I’m dealing with and then I can coach my daughter on how to navigate those kinds of issues.

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