Reply to Anyone realize they don’t want to be married anymore?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’ve realized I’m a lot more calm, organized, upbeat when he’s not around… [/quote]

OP. That’s how I feel. My life is so much better when H is out of town. I eat healthy at every meal (he only does takeout on his dinner nights). I have time for my hobbies, even with all the kid duties. [b]The house is clean because his stuff isnt scattered everywhere.[/b] I can go to bed on time, I don’t have to stay up late with him out of a sense of obligation. Work/life balance is better.[/quote]

I hear you.

[/quote]

Thanks :)

Even like….I love keeping my closet a beautiful space with everything organized and pictures that I love, so getting ready in the morning is a joy. But then I see his two mountains of laundry and shoes scattered everywhere, and it just kills my whole vibe.

I guess it’s more of a lifestyle thing? I want a joyful life, with a beautiful home and delicious, nourishing foods. And then when I see the clutter everywhere and eat greasy takeout it just brings my whole energy level down. [/quote]

That's cause you didn't actually love him.  An errant sock is no big deal if you're with someone you truly love.[/quote]

But isn't it mutual? If the H actually loved her and cared about what made her happy, it wouldn't be a big deal to try to be somewhat organized or work on it at least? [/quote]

That only works if she TELLS him what she's thinking and feeling. I get no impression that she has talked to him about her need for a particular "lifestyle thing" as she puts it.

If she thinks that just repeating, "Please clean up your stuff" and "Can we get different takeout?" are the same as communicating her real problem and her real unhappiness--she is wrong, and is failing to communicate the actual issue. Some sessions with a counselor experienced in couples communication could help them, because I'd wager the DH doesn't even hear her repeated "clean up" requests any more, and she doesn't try to reframe them into a talk about the bigger picture. She has a right to a home where she feels comfortable and energized but she also cannot expect her spouse simply to "get it" by osmosis. That only happens in romance novels and romcoms, but only rarely in the real world. [/quote]

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