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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I've had very little contact and strong borders with my mom for 15 years or so.  My therapist long ago advised me to think of her and my stepdad as distant relatives.  I can do this now - it's taken a long time.  If I go to visit them, I ALWAYS stay someplace else, and keep visits short.  E-mails go automatically to a special folder.  I rarely answer her calls - she will call DH.  DH deals with her.

It helps.  There was no "85% of time she's okay" for me though.  There was almost no time that she was truly loving or supportive.  It's very sad, and I have a permanent hole in my heart.  But I'm much better for it.  [/quote]

OMG, I thought I invented the "special folder." Yep, I need to be in the right state of mind, She sometimes hides verbal stabbings in the middle of pleasantries, so reading a few sentences doesn't always tell me if it's safe.

I too try to see mom as a distance realtive and keep major boundaries. I take it farther and will only see her in public places where she's be afraid to rage. I too have a hole in my heart :(.[/quote]

Thank you for sharing this “distant relative” idea. I think it will help me, so I appreciate so much that you shared that. [/quote]

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