Reply to If you come from a FUNCTIONAL family, why resent/dislike people from dysfunctional families?

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Reply to "If you come from a FUNCTIONAL family, why resent/dislike people from dysfunctional families?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think this is giving a ton of credit and blame to parents and families of origin for how adults act on both ends. People from "functional" families with empathetic parents should be wise and empathetic themselves? Maybe, but some people with nice parents are jerks, and some people learn empathy through dealing with hardship. Often, I think people are more compassionate when they have an understanding of the struggle, having it easy can create blind spots.

[b]Also, I don't think functional/dysfunctional is a binary[/b]. [/quote]

Really good point. I have great, loving parents who gave us a lot of opportunities plus a safe, stable home and fun childhood. But they have their flaws and came from families with major dysfunction. One of my siblings became addicted to drugs as a young teen and it completely changed our trajectory as a family. I curdle at the label "dysfunctional family". We had all the "right" things in place and were never abused or lacking love, empathy, resources, good intentions. A perfect storm of many things combined to make us what we are today and I've stopped being shocked by the judgement we receive. I myself try to start from empathy regardless of anyone's circumstances. I know it can be tough.[/quote]

Yes. I feel the same way. I had a great childhood and I think my parents were very successful in resetting and avoiding the issues of their own families of origin. But we also had two immediate family members with different disabilities and mental health issues, and as an adult I do see some dysfunctional patterns based around trying to accommodate and sometimes overcompensate around assumption of those people's needs, in what I think is not an atypical pattern. I certainly don't blame any individual for trying to cope to their best ability, and I wouldn't consider our family dysfunctional in general, but having married into a different family there's more i can look at and say "that's messed up."

So yeah, family life is complicated and everyone deserves empathy rather than labels. At the same time I've never really been part of a conversation like the ones the OP seems to encounter. [/quote]

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