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[quote=Anonymous]I feel you, OP.  Those who think their parenting is superior have no idea how lucky they were to win the parenting lottery.  I've got 3 kids - 19, 17 and 16.  All my bio kids, same genetics, same environment, same expectations, radically different results.  My oldest is in CC because he did not meet expectations for going away to college.  He didn't even take the SAT even though I reminded him to sign up for it multiple times.  We had hoped he'd join the military but no such luck.

He wasn't so hard to parent until he hit middle school.  We then had a lot of behavioral challenges with him - mostly him not giving a sh!t about how his actions affect others.  He is one of the most inconsiderate person I've ever encountered.  We have family counseling to help address some of the issues but when someone doesn't care how they affect someone, it's hard to get them to change their behaviors.  He's banned from the main bathrooms because he is an absolute pig and won't clean up after himself.  He's banned from eating anywhere other than a table because he leaves his dirty dishes and crumbs/spills wherever he's been eating.  It's not just the mess that bothers us but it attracts ants and mice - yes, we have had infestations because of this.

He's got ADHD/LD/anxiety for which he's had lots of interventions, supports and medications but those are only explanations for his challenges, not his choices.  His father and younger brother also have ADHD/LD/anxiety and they are very different from him.  I've also got another DC who is NT.  None of our other kids have these issues and are fed up with their brother. We've really tried to get DS to see how his actions impact others and talk about how this will cause problems with any future roommates and romantic partners.  No luck.  He is resistant but he's also not ready/capable of living independently so we feel like we're stuck.  We do what we can, we still impose consequences and he hasn't figured out he can remove me from his bank accounts so I still have some levers I can apply.  I can also shut of his internet access and, if I wanted, his phone access.  It's a tough balance between getting the behaviors we need and all out antagonism.

If I didn't have our other two kids, I might think I suck as a parent.  I'm actually a really good parent.  He's just a tough kid and I can't wait until I don't have to live with him.[/quote]

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