Reply to Tricky situation- new boyfriend's ex is sick

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ask him what he needs/wants. Be open and flexibile to change. He might THINK he needs XYZ now, but in a month he might actually find out that he needs ABC. That's OK.

Don't get jealous or insecure. Be kind and generous at all costs. Send her food and flowers with your BF once in a while.

You know what? You'd do the above for your co-workers so do it for somebody important to your BF.

Have you heard of the ring theory? Your BF's ex is in the middle. Your BF might be a ring around that. You are a ring outside that. You always support inward, and dump outward. So your BF will be unconditionally supporting his ex. He might "dump" (emotions, chores, anger, etc) outward (toward you!). You are there to support your BF (he's a ring inside yours) and you will dump out to another friend or therapist (or DCUM) as needed. But your complaints do not go further into the ring.

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This is probably the best response so far.  Agree with just stay flexible and available to help.   Having been through just radiation myself last year, I will say it was very exhausting (much more so than I expected it to be!) and your bf will probably be spending alot more time taking care of the kids than he does now.    Just roll with it and be supportive.[/quote]

Not really.  Nobody needs to anything "at all costs", nor be around to let a BF of five months "dumpe emotions, chores, anger, etc".  Good grief.  Of course she should expect him to take care of his kids more.  But what she should really do is have a conversation with her BF to see what he wants, stay flexible, and take it from there.  [/quote]

I'm the PP here ... I'd say it is almost alway imperative to be kind and generous ... you are right, "at all costs" is pushing it, but really? Don't you want to be a kind and generous person? Yeah, he's got to dump to somebody - it may be the OP, it may be somebody else. What I was trying to say was that she should not dump her frustrations about the situation on him. Make sense?

And the first thing I said was talk to him and be flexible. I stand by my response.[/quote]

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