Reply to Anyone had success with an open marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The failure rate of open marriages is very high, some stats say 90%. [b]The failure rate of your celibate marriage is 100%.[/b]

I think its worth a shot. Even if it helps you stay together for the kids until they are gone from the house. Then you can re-evaluate. [/quote]

So totally not true.

That said, I also think it is worth a shot being honest and open with your husband and giving him the option to have a discreet paramour. Seriously, staying married to somebody you like, trust, respect is worth it as you age, have grandkids, etc. [/quote]

+1, there are lots of celibate or nearly-celibate marriages, especially among people over 50. Divorce statistics indicate that lack of physical intimacy is one cause of divorce but far from the only one. Also, a successful celibate marriage may still have plenty of affection and physical intimacy, but not sex. I don't know if that applies to OP or not -- she says she no longer wants to have sex with men, including her husband, anymore, but does that mean she doesn't like hugs, kisses, holding hands, snuggling in bed, etc.? I think this is a relevant question of OP to ask herself before she proceeds.

Also, some PPs have already mentioned this but it's really relevant how OP's DH feels about all of this. Even if we assume that he is unhappy with the lack of sex in their marriage, we know nothing else about what he prioritizes and what he needs. The assumption that all men want to be having sex is inaccurate (older men often lose drive as fast or faster than women, this is normal but not talked about because of stereotypes about masculinity) and there may be other aspects of the relationship that he values more than sex, like parenting together as a team or having a trusted confidant.

There are people who cannot be happy in marriage without sex. But there are others who can, and it's not as uncommon as people seem to think. Especially if you can find other ways to maintain physical and emotional intimacy. It really just depends on the couple.

OP, I think you need to talk to your DH and attend couples counseling together to talk through this. Open marriage might make sense for you, but I think you are pretty far away from that decision. You need to start with the basics, which are what each of you actually wants out of a marriage, and what the stressors or pain points in your specific marriage actually are. You are assuming your lack of interest in sex is THE problem, but it might not be. You need to figure out the actual problem before coming up with a solution.[/quote]

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