Reply to My 23 year old son has become suicidal because of borderline girlfriend

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I was taught that if someone tells you they are suicidal, you believe them. That goes from the first time.

GF aside, your son is displaying signs of serious mental illness. Weight loss, social isolation, scarring, suicidal ideation, a suicide PLAN. This is not self help book territory. This is professional help ASAP territory.

Call a suicide hotline in his area, talk to them and find out local resources for him, including those for abused men.  [/quote]

THIS. ABOVE.

OP, while it's good you're visiting out there and will be nearby -- he is talking about a suicide PLAN.

There is a reason the PP and I both put that in all caps.

Do not let the fear of "he's an adult and I can't really intervene" make you go too gently with him. An earlier PP who notes that the GF (who is mentally ill herself) is "loosening restrictions" because doing so actually helps her control him right now, is right about that.

He may believe that if he leaves her, she will kill herself -- in fact I would not be at all surprised if she has told him so, in exactly those words. "If you leave me, I will kill myself." This only worsens his own mental illness.

Your son is in a very perilous situation that actually threatens his own life. Call a suicide hotline NOW. They are not just for those who are suicidal themselves. You and DH need a script for how to talk to your son on that day you have him alone to yourselves, so you can prise him out of this situation. Ask for help with that script. And do not, do not, do not let the GF suddenly decide she must "tag along" on the hike or the day's outing. You need to get your son alone. She may want to be present all the time you're there and might just turn up even if you think you're only seeing your son. If she does, have a plan for you or dad getting her away on some pretense.

Suicide hotline call, pronto. Get advice before you travel out there. Don't wing it. Please come back and update us. Very concerned for your son.

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