Reply to SILs expect me to be one of MIL's caregivers

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]One of the many big mistakes people make in caregiving is bossing others around. SIL can only control herself. If she insists MIL must be at home than she all she can do is collaborate and see if you are willing to help out. It is not her place to tell you how it will be.

Plus, having been through Alzheimer with a parent and inlaw, your SIL is delusional to think it's better to age in place. Wait till caregivers forget to show up.

Also, this is one of the many reasons I plan to do CCRC when I age. It really is enormously selfish to expect the family to dance around you when they are in the thick of it with their own spouses and kids. I want my kids and inlaws to enjoy visiting me, not be running a 3 ring circus to appease me at the expense of their relationships, sanity and health.[/quote]

OP again. 
One of my SILs is very strong willed and she can be incredibly bossy and even manipulative, however I can kind of see where she's coming from.

She adores their mother and she wants only the very best for her (who wouldn't) and she gets frustrated when she cannot achieve this. 
She is convinced that it is better if MIL is taken care of in her own home, a familiar environment. She thinks MIL will deteriorate and die quicker in a care home because she won't get the care and attention she gets at home from her caregivers and her children and inlaws.
In fact she hates the idea of their mother moving into a care home. I think she sees it as some sort of betrayal. This is why they hired these aides and helpers. MIL now has round the clock care.

What I don't like is the fact that SIL tries to manage my own time and I don't even live near.[/quote]

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