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[quote=Anonymous]HI OP, I think you have to put aside your own feelings for the sake of your sister.

I remember when my dad saw my husband for the first time after my husband's affair and I really did not think my dad would shake his hand.  There was a long awkward pause and then my dad did and it's never been mentioned again.  I think my dad paused to emphasize it, tbh.

To be in on the situation is hard.  But if your sister and husband are to repair their relationship, you have to do two things - support your sister unconditionally (which is seems you are doing) and 2) (and much harder) treat your BIL neutrally.  You don't have to be over the top, but it will help your sister if you can just be neutral.

I don't know if they will repair and go on.  It's clearly too early to tell.  Divorce busting is good.  There are other resources.  Most marriages survive infidelity - by a huge percentage.  A lot depends on what your BIL is willing to do to rebuild trust, and if your sister is also willing to move forward.

I am 16 years past and it was VERY HARD.  And infrequently sometimes still is.  But I'm glad we put in the work.  [/quote]

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