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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Relax, mothers.[/quote]

Because we shouldn't care if kids don't get into dorms or miss out on the classes they want / need to take??[/quote]

At some point you can’t manage every aspect of their lives.  There is way too much over-parenting DCUM parents.  Sometimes they have to learn life lessons the hard way.[/quote]

I agree they need to grow up and learn life lessons.  But I will pick which ones are slightly less impactful on their next 4 years and let them "fail" at those to teach that lesson, just like I have been doing since they were a baby.

seriously, this is a new experience for most kids (unless they attended a boarding school in HS).  It is ok for the parents to guide the student a bit.  Did that with my now college senior graduating in a few weeks. DC can manage 95% of things, but is smart enough to call me for questions when they need assistance.  Fully functioning adult, starting an amazing job, moving into his own apartment that he secured himself (just like he secured his house for last 2 years of college).    But I'm still mom and will help guide to ensure that full adulting is as successful as possible.

Same thing for off to college.  I would never call a prof or really even the college---I make my kids do that as they should[/quote]

I think all of that is rational, but I'm sure you'd agree that there are many DCUM parents who take things way too far and don't know where their lives and their kids lives begin.[/quote

Yes, many do take it too far.  Most don't get that you don't just turn an 18 free and expect them to be an adult---it's something you gradually move towards since they are Little.

But as a parent of an ADHD boy who literally has NO Executive Functioning skills, who wasn't diagnosed until college as he managed extremely well in HS due to tutoring and EF guidance from outside as well as mom, I have learned how to walk a fine line between helping and doing too much.  My kid was made to do all of the contacting of profs/anyone at the university.  I only made calls to Bursar office regarding FA/payments and initial calls to the office of disabilities to determine what the options were for his diagnosis.  But ultimately he scheduled the meetings and submitted everything directly to the university. 
  Everything else he did with my pushing.  If his anxiety/adhd was really kicked up, I would step in a bit more but all within the realm of normal.  Only in case of extreme mental health issues would I have contacted anyone else at the university (and thankfully that was not needed)

But then again, I have worked hard all the way along to help my kids become functioning adults by giving them more self responsibilities each year.  And in return if they proved themselves to be trustworthy, more privileges.  I've been leaving my kids "home alone" for a weekend since the oldest was 14 (kids are 5 years apart).  They managed taking care of the pets and themselves for 36 hours while knowing we were only 30 mins away having dinner and staying at a hotel, and that there were friends within a mile that were available with a quick phone call. This meant by the time the oldest could drive, we trusted leaving them for 2-3 days. 
 
Most people thought we were crazy.  I thought it was just logical progression with teens you fully trust to allow them more independence. And if they every showed they were not trustworthy (never happened for us), I'd pull back the reins and remove the privileges.  However, I recognize that they don't just magically become adults at 18, you have to "train them" and give them responsibilities to help them become independent.  Thus, my oldest adjusted well at college 2.5K miles away and I expect my youngest to do the same this fall.  They know how to manage by themselves for 5-7 days.  Whereas most people think we are crazy for allowing our kids to do that.  
Then again, I can totally trust my teens and I know neither drank in HS (they just didn't hang with kids who do that stuff).  I knew there wouldn't be a party of 50+ teens draining our alcohol stash while we were on a trip.

[/quote]

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