Anonymous
05/12/2022 13:41
Subject: Anyone eise's kid dragging their feet onboarding?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It is MAY and they don't start for well over 3 months. Cut your kid some slack, they've worked hard for 13 years! Let them enjoy the end of HS, and they will get to it, eventually.
-mom of student who just finished their freshman year of colege
My kid has college registration-related deadlines before his high school graduation even happens!
NP
Mine too. At his school some majors have a math placement test they need to take before May 17.
I have two older kids and found that they (especially the oldest) didn't check emails/portals frequently enough. After learning with him, we've really emphasized with our other two the importance of checking (both emails and portals) EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Why don’t the schools text? They are sending emails to that generation? SMH The teens TEXT.
Prof here: I'd also add that I write in my syllabi that students should check their university email at least once a day. 2-3 times a day would be better. There is a *lot* of stuff that comes and goes that way, and our entire university internal messaging system harvests from our records databases and goes straight to email. If I have to write my whole class that I won't be there or our classroom is locked or the assignment is now due on Monday, it's an email, and given the way academia works, it will be that for the foreseeable future.
Anonymous
05/12/2022 13:36
Subject: Anyone eise's kid dragging their feet onboarding?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It is MAY and they don't start for well over 3 months. Cut your kid some slack, they've worked hard for 13 years! Let them enjoy the end of HS, and they will get to it, eventually.
-mom of student who just finished their freshman year of colege
My kid has college registration-related deadlines before his high school graduation even happens!
NP
Mine too. At his school some majors have a math placement test they need to take before May 17.
I have two older kids and found that they (especially the oldest) didn't check emails/portals frequently enough. After learning with him, we've really emphasized with our other two the importance of checking (both emails and portals) EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Why don’t the schools text? They are sending emails to that generation? SMH The teens TEXT.
Mainly because we need to keep better records than that of our communications, and often also because we need to send attachments that need to be interacted with in a format other than a phone. Universities are not going to abandon email for official transactions, although reminders and advertisements now often come in text or social-media formats.
Anonymous
05/12/2022 11:51
Subject: Anyone eise's kid dragging their feet onboarding?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It is MAY and they don't start for well over 3 months. Cut your kid some slack, they've worked hard for 13 years! Let them enjoy the end of HS, and they will get to it, eventually.
-mom of student who just finished their freshman year of colege
DP. My kid’s slowness in looking at incoming emails and reacting to them has led to an extremely inconvenient and expensive situation regarding mandatory summer orientation. And also has meant he gets no choice in dorms.
I would add here, my DS was initially looking at his new school email account once a week. I had no idea. Explained that in college, like in the workplace, you have to check your email every single day. For an on the ball high school student, this had not occured to him once he submitted his acceptance.
Anonymous
05/12/2022 11:48
Subject: Anyone eise's kid dragging their feet onboarding?
Anonymous wrote:It is MAY and they don't start for well over 3 months. Cut your kid some slack, they've worked hard for 13 years! Let them enjoy the end of HS, and they will get to it, eventually.
-mom of student who just finished their freshman year of colege
Another mom with a student ending year 1. While student enjoyed end of senior year and graduation festivities too, the deadlines for college come surprisingly fast.
Off the top of my head, amongst all the endless forms, you will need to schedule an advisor appt. Forward transcripts and AP scores. Make schedule and register for fall semester courses (if you wait, sections will fill up and close), complete housing paperwork with preferences and living/learning centers in the residence halls (IME, a great way to meet and make year 1 friends), schedule orientation and complete requirements like health and related vax (non-covid, all the other vax) forms. SO, it is a careful balance.
Anonymous
05/12/2022 11:39
Subject: Anyone eise's kid dragging their feet onboarding?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Relax, mothers.
Because we shouldn't care if kids don't get into dorms or miss out on the classes they want / need to take??
At some point you can’t manage every aspect of their lives. There is way too much over-parenting DCUM parents. Sometimes they have to learn life lessons the hard way.
I agree they need to grow up and learn life lessons. But I will pick which ones are slightly less impactful on their next 4 years and let them "fail" at those to teach that lesson, just like I have been doing since they were a baby.
seriously, this is a new experience for most kids (unless they attended a boarding school in HS). It is ok for the parents to guide the student a bit. Did that with my now college senior graduating in a few weeks. DC can manage 95% of things, but is smart enough to call me for questions when they need assistance. Fully functioning adult, starting an amazing job, moving into his own apartment that he secured himself (just like he secured his house for last 2 years of college). But I'm still mom and will help guide to ensure that full adulting is as successful as possible.
Same thing for off to college. I would never call a prof or really even the college---I make my kids do that as they should
I think all of that is rational, but I'm sure you'd agree that there are many DCUM parents who take things way too far and don't know where their lives and their kids lives begin.[/quote
Yes, many do take it too far. Most don't get that you don't just turn an 18 free and expect them to be an adult---it's something you gradually move towards since they are Little.
But as a parent of an ADHD boy who literally has NO Executive Functioning skills, who wasn't diagnosed until college as he managed extremely well in HS due to tutoring and EF guidance from outside as well as mom, I have learned how to walk a fine line between helping and doing too much. My kid was made to do all of the contacting of profs/anyone at the university. I only made calls to Bursar office regarding FA/payments and initial calls to the office of disabilities to determine what the options were for his diagnosis. But ultimately he scheduled the meetings and submitted everything directly to the university.
Everything else he did with my pushing. If his anxiety/adhd was really kicked up, I would step in a bit more but all within the realm of normal. Only in case of extreme mental health issues would I have contacted anyone else at the university (and thankfully that was not needed)
But then again, I have worked hard all the way along to help my kids become functioning adults by giving them more self responsibilities each year. And in return if they proved themselves to be trustworthy, more privileges. I've been leaving my kids "home alone" for a weekend since the oldest was 14 (kids are 5 years apart). They managed taking care of the pets and themselves for 36 hours while knowing we were only 30 mins away having dinner and staying at a hotel, and that there were friends within a mile that were available with a quick phone call. This meant by the time the oldest could drive, we trusted leaving them for 2-3 days.
Most people thought we were crazy. I thought it was just logical progression with teens you fully trust to allow them more independence. And if they every showed they were not trustworthy (never happened for us), I'd pull back the reins and remove the privileges. However, I recognize that they don't just magically become adults at 18, you have to "train them" and give them responsibilities to help them become independent. Thus, my oldest adjusted well at college 2.5K miles away and I expect my youngest to do the same this fall. They know how to manage by themselves for 5-7 days. Whereas most people think we are crazy for allowing our kids to do that.
Then again, I can totally trust my teens and I know neither drank in HS (they just didn't hang with kids who do that stuff). I knew there wouldn't be a party of 50+ teens draining our alcohol stash while we were on a trip.
Anonymous
05/12/2022 11:23
Subject: Anyone eise's kid dragging their feet onboarding?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Relax, mothers.
Because we shouldn't care if kids don't get into dorms or miss out on the classes they want / need to take??
At some point you can’t manage every aspect of their lives. There is way too much over-parenting DCUM parents. Sometimes they have to learn life lessons the hard way.
I agree they need to grow up and learn life lessons. But I will pick which ones are slightly less impactful on their next 4 years and let them "fail" at those to teach that lesson, just like I have been doing since they were a baby.
seriously, this is a new experience for most kids (unless they attended a boarding school in HS). It is ok for the parents to guide the student a bit. Did that with my now college senior graduating in a few weeks. DC can manage 95% of things, but is smart enough to call me for questions when they need assistance. Fully functioning adult, starting an amazing job, moving into his own apartment that he secured himself (just like he secured his house for last 2 years of college). But I'm still mom and will help guide to ensure that full adulting is as successful as possible.
Same thing for off to college. I would never call a prof or really even the college---I make my kids do that as they should
I think all of that is rational, but I'm sure you'd agree that there are many DCUM parents who take things way too far and don't know where their lives and their kids lives begin.
Anonymous
05/12/2022 10:48
Subject: Anyone eise's kid dragging their feet onboarding?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Relax, mothers.
Because we shouldn't care if kids don't get into dorms or miss out on the classes they want / need to take??
At some point you can’t manage every aspect of their lives. There is way too much over-parenting DCUM parents. Sometimes they have to learn life lessons the hard way.
I agree they need to grow up and learn life lessons. But I will pick which ones are slightly less impactful on their next 4 years and let them "fail" at those to teach that lesson, just like I have been doing since they were a baby.
seriously, this is a new experience for most kids (unless they attended a boarding school in HS). It is ok for the parents to guide the student a bit. Did that with my now college senior graduating in a few weeks. DC can manage 95% of things, but is smart enough to call me for questions when they need assistance. Fully functioning adult, starting an amazing job, moving into his own apartment that he secured himself (just like he secured his house for last 2 years of college). But I'm still mom and will help guide to ensure that full adulting is as successful as possible.
Same thing for off to college. I would never call a prof or really even the college---I make my kids do that as they should
Anonymous
05/12/2022 10:21
Subject: Anyone eise's kid dragging their feet onboarding?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If you have access to his portal, find out when the deadlines are (without telling them, of course). Maybe this information will lower your anxiety.
These are ADULTS. It’s way past time to stop this nonsense. I didn’t check my kids’ portals when they were in high school. If your college aged adult cannot navigate this on their own, they probably aren’t ready for college.
/mom of four college grads. One kid still in college.
Don't mean to be snarky. But you have no clue what it's like to have an ADHD boy.
I have TWO ADHD boys. I do know what it’s like. I also know that you aren’t helping by micromanaging his life. Do you plan to help him at work one day? You have to let him figure it out. He will struggle. Mistakes will happen. And he’ll learn from those mistakes.
Tell us what the biggest mistakes your boys made because of their adhd and what it cost them.
Anonymous
05/12/2022 10:17
Subject: Anyone eise's kid dragging their feet onboarding?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If you have access to his portal, find out when the deadlines are (without telling them, of course). Maybe this information will lower your anxiety.
These are ADULTS. It’s way past time to stop this nonsense. I didn’t check my kids’ portals when they were in high school. If your college aged adult cannot navigate this on their own, they probably aren’t ready for college.
/mom of four college grads. One kid still in college.
Don't mean to be snarky. But you have no clue what it's like to have an ADHD boy.
I have TWO ADHD boys. I do know what it’s like. I also know that you aren’t helping by micromanaging his life. Do you plan to help him at work one day? You have to let him figure it out. He will struggle. Mistakes will happen. And he’ll learn from those mistakes.
I’m sure you never did anything to guide your kids. And amazingly they turned out perfect!
My parents didn’t “micromanage” or even guide my adhd brother and he failed as an adult. Did not learn from his mistakes.
So bully for your perfect kids. I will continue to remind my kid to look at his email. His lack of doing that earlier this year has already cost him and us dearly.
Anonymous
05/11/2022 21:57
Subject: Anyone eise's kid dragging their feet onboarding?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If you have access to his portal, find out when the deadlines are (without telling them, of course). Maybe this information will lower your anxiety.
These are ADULTS. It’s way past time to stop this nonsense. I didn’t check my kids’ portals when they were in high school. If your college aged adult cannot navigate this on their own, they probably aren’t ready for college.
/mom of four college grads. One kid still in college.
Don't mean to be snarky. But you have no clue what it's like to have an ADHD boy.
I have TWO ADHD boys. I do know what it’s like. I also know that you aren’t helping by micromanaging his life. Do you plan to help him at work one day? You have to let him figure it out. He will struggle. Mistakes will happen. And he’ll learn from those mistakes.
Anonymous
05/11/2022 21:42
Subject: Anyone eise's kid dragging their feet onboarding?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If you have access to his portal, find out when the deadlines are (without telling them, of course). Maybe this information will lower your anxiety.
These are ADULTS. It’s way past time to stop this nonsense. I didn’t check my kids’ portals when they were in high school. If your college-aged adult cannot navigate this on their own, they probably aren’t ready for college.
/mom of four college grads. One kid still in college.
Don't mean to be snarky. But you have no clue what it's like to have an ADHD boy.
I have an ADHD boy and would agree! Even though they are technically adults, it's important to mentor them and sometimes, take over when they are about to do something (or not do something) that is not in their best interest. My father continues to teach me new things and was extremely helpful in guiding me early in my career. As parents, we can continue to teach / mentor / guide our kids through life and the transition to college is just one step. Email and calendar management was one example that I had to help my son figure out how to manage during his transition to college. In high school, daily classes with teachers and a single online system (e.g., blackboard) allowed for constant reminders about homework, tests, quizzes, projects, due dates, etc. In college (depending on the school), professors use multiple communication methods to convey expectations. I helped by discussing and showing my son various techniques to managing and meeting all these deadlines (e.g., time blocking / color-coding calendars) and basic email management. I would help stay on top of it for a week or two but then let him manage it from that point once it becomes a system/habit of his. I also helped review/format resumes and prepare him for internship interviews.
Anonymous
05/11/2022 21:24
Subject: Anyone eise's kid dragging their feet onboarding?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If you have access to his portal, find out when the deadlines are (without telling them, of course). Maybe this information will lower your anxiety.
These are ADULTS. It’s way past time to stop this nonsense. I didn’t check my kids’ portals when they were in high school. If your college aged adult cannot navigate this on their own, they probably aren’t ready for college.
/mom of four college grads. One kid still in college.
Don't mean to be snarky. But you have no clue what it's like to have an ADHD boy.
Anonymous
05/11/2022 21:22
Subject: Anyone eise's kid dragging their feet onboarding?
Anonymous wrote:Eff that.
I am helping my kid make sure he gets everything in as soon as he can.
I know parents like you, managing every aspect of your kid’s life, making sure they are in the right friend groups, getting them every possible edge and advantage through life. Let your kid grow up.
Anonymous
05/11/2022 21:18
Subject: Anyone eise's kid dragging their feet onboarding?
Eff that.
I am helping my kid make sure he gets everything in as soon as he can.
I am helping my kid make sure he gets everything in as soon as he can.
Anonymous
05/11/2022 21:15
Subject: Anyone eise's kid dragging their feet onboarding?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It is MAY and they don't start for well over 3 months. Cut your kid some slack, they've worked hard for 13 years! Let them enjoy the end of HS, and they will get to it, eventually.
-mom of student who just finished their freshman year of colege
My kid has college registration-related deadlines before his high school graduation even happens!
NP
Mine too. At his school some majors have a math placement test they need to take before May 17.
I have two older kids and found that they (especially the oldest) didn't check emails/portals frequently enough. After learning with him, we've really emphasized with our other two the importance of checking (both emails and portals) EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Why don’t the schools text? They are sending emails to that generation? SMH The teens TEXT.
Because welcome to the real world and being an adult, where majority of communication at work is done via email. yes, there is some messaging but ultimately, anything of real importance is communicated via EMAIL. So teens needs to learn to read emails if they want to be a productive member of society as an adult