Reply to Husband doesn't believe his behavior is abusive

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you are the one living this, not us.  You don’t need anyone here to tell you his behavior is abusive, and shouldn’t listen to anyone who tries to tell you that you should continue to tolerate abusive behavior.

Your husband has no intention of changing, and his behavior will likely get worse and your child get older and he has less control over them.  It is time to get out.  PP’s suggestion of talking to a lawyer to understand how to protect yourself legally for he divorce and a therapist to help you make a safe exit plan and put supports in place for you and your kids after you leave him is exactly right.[/quote]

+1. OP, don't listen to the people minimizing this. I kind of had a pit in my stomach reading this because it's so familiar.

Currently, the kids and I live separately from their father (not a legal separation, just circumstance) and  it's so nice to not come home and walk on eggshells all the time. Both my kids have anxiety and my older one has some very specific anxieties and issues with her father related to incidents exactly like this.

I don't know if I'd recommend divorce. Probably, because the refusing to recognize the effect these catastrophic scenarios have on the kids is not a great sign or even a normal reaction. Of course a child is going to be disappointed that her dad can't be at a practice she thought he'd be able to make - the normal adult response would be to empathize with the kid about her disappointment and talk about how they will spend time together doing X thing, not dramatically saying if he doesn't work because of HER PRACTICE they will be homeless. And slamming windows and talking about sleeping in a bus shelter is not a normal reaction to being cold. It's also not normal to watch your kids dissolve in tears after something you've said and not think a thing about it.

I would recommend therapy for you to figure out what you want and possibly a last ditch effort to convince your husband to grow up.

I wish I had divorced when my oldest child was a toddler.[/quote]

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