Reply to Husband doesn't believe his behavior is abusive

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't think this is abusive.  It's just totally unnecessary and not good parenting.[/quote]

He sounds like an immature ass and a terrible dad, but I wouldn't call these examples abusive.

I also wouldn't stay in a relationship like this.  Behavior doesn't have to be abuse to be unacceptable.  [/quote]

A lot of people don’t understand what emotional abuse is. It can be hard to define. But maybe you should read about it and try to understand it before deciding that OP’s examples aren’t abusive which you obviously don’t know what you’re talking about.[/quote]

I run cold.  If DH opened all the windows on a cold day and I went around shutting them and then he called me abusive for it, I'd laugh myself silly.  I have to tell my DD(3) multiple times a day that I can't do things with her because I have to work, and it bums her out, but it's also true.  If she were older I would make the connection between my working and us having a house - that's not abusive it's reality.

The point is the worst examples OP can come up with (shutting windows, not leaving work early for a sport event) just aren't that big of a deal.  It's not clear whether her DH is trying to joke or trying to frighten his kids, and the kids' reactions seem over the top, and that OTT-ness seems to be actively encouraged by OP.

Like I said: I wouldn't be in a relationship like this.  But the way you guys sling "abuse" around OP's DH could come here with the same facts and tell a story about how his spouse is ignoring his temperature requests and hyping up the kids to guilt him about having to work at a job, and if he gender-flipped the post you'd tell him he was being abused and gaslighted too.[/quote]

Wow you really don’t understand what emotional abuse is…maybe go read about it. It’s not at all the same as you just going around shutting windows on a cold day. That’s not what this is about. It’s about how OP’s husband is trying to undermine his kids’ sense of safety and well being by making them fear he’ll lose his job and they’ll be homeless. If you think they’re overreacting then you’ve never witnessed or experienced someone you care deeply about showing such contempt and disregard for you like OP and her kids clearly have. Lucky you.[/quote]

I stand by what I said: using this standard, OP's DH could describe the exact same events and you would call OP abusive from his POV as long as he flipped the genders.  [/quote]

I feel sorry for you that you don’t have the capacity to understand this or care enough to learn more about it.[/quote]

You're attempting to use your emotions to manipulate me and invalidate my perspective.  Gaslighting.[/quote]

I’m not going to engage w you any more since you clearly have no desire to learn. I lived emotional abuse for years and what OP described is exactly that. [/quote]

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