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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He said it's a good thing he's not black. His Dad is south Asian. He's medium brown. I am white. His dad does say the baby is like a white version of him, and he is. He looks like a copy of my husband except for the skin color. When our six-year-old said this, we asked him why he would say that. He immediately started crying. I explained that it was very offensive. He's exposed to different people at school and Saturday language school. I'm not sure if he mixed up with words/meanings. Right before he said that, he asked me what color he was. He asks this question a lot. His little brother has lighter skin. I tell him he's a mix of Mommy and Daddy, olive-toned. I don't know if we should be talking more or less about skin color. I want to bring up the topic again.[/quote]

OP you need to have a serious talk with YOUR HUSBAND. In South Asia, colorism is big and real, he may not even noticed how he interacts with his dark skinned son versus the lighter baby or the comments he makes. It may all be still in his subconscious, but your husband and his family have been exposed to a deep, long seeded self hatred of dark skin.  Your kid is just picking upon cues. [/quote]

The other son is not dark at all. Maybe he notices we talk about his brother being white and feels left out. [/quote]

You think?  Your 6 year old is not stupid; he can see that he's darker than the baby.  Then mom and dad keep bringing up the baby being white, and six y/o says, "good thing I'm not black," and you're confused?[/quote]

He's slightly darker. My husband doesn't treat him differently. Sometimes someone is mixed, but it's not apparent. So do I tell him he should identify as brown when to the outside world, he looks white? I have told people my husband is Asian, and they flat out say he doesn't look Asian. I feel like if my kids tell people they're mixed, many people will say they don't look mixed. I think that's why my husband just wanted to consider them white. Compared to him, they look white. [/quote]

Woa, your husband has issues. Why is he so keen to identify them as white? Why aren’t you just saying you’re half-Indian, half-white? That’s what we told our kids. No one is asking them to choose a race at that age. And yes, sounds like your husband is the cause of this, and you also, because you seem to be clueless about colorism in S Asia and more generally that kids pick up on these types of things. But really, sounds like it starts with your husband. You can justify all you want, but clearly you and your husband have given your 6 yr old issues, due to your preference for white skin. Please do better for his sake, and for your baby’s. [/quote]

100%

Colorism is ingrained in South Asians' minds, it is so deep few are self-aware or want to be. They married white/anglo partners when possible to have kids with lighter skin color. Remember that South Asia is the region with the most products to lighten skin. Although many of these products can be dangerous and even cause cancer, people still use them because it is better to die of cancer than have dark skin.  OP, it is your duty as a mother if you wanted to marry and have children of another race and culture, to at least, make the effort to understand them. Learn their history and current socio-cultural framework. Please, do it for your children, and get educated on colorism. There is plenty of data, articles, and more South Asian people speaking out against it and calling out as opposed to just keeping it secret.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/lifestyle-buzz/tan-france-beauty-and-the-bleach-documentary-discusses-colorism-and-skin-bleaching/ar-AAWqrHH

"Tan France revealed to the Daily Mail that as a child, he felt immense pressure from his family to be lighter-skinned, and resorted to using skin bleaching cream when he was 10. 'Colourism is everywhere and it’s not the same as racism,' France said in an interview with The Guardian. 'It’s often within communities of color themselves that people are discriminated against based on the darkness of their skin, and it has lifelong effects of internalized shame.'”

https://www.thecollegianur.com/article/2022/04/miss-america-2014-denounces-colorism-in-south-asian-communities
"Growing up, she would spend her summers in India and remembered seeing skin whitening ads on television, she said. At 8 years old, Davuluri’s uncle took her to the dermatologist for eczema. The doctor gave her cream for treatment, but Davuluri wanted a cream to make her skin lighter instead."
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