Reply to What did you think having 3 kids and working full time would be like?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Parents of kids under 13 are so cute.

“The toddler years are hard, but everything gets easier and cheaper once they get into school.”

-signed, mom of high schoolers
[/quote]

This type of response is so not cute.

Many families actually do have an easier time once the kids are older. Even in high school. [/quote]

No they don’t. Bigger kids, bigger problems. Definitely not easier. There is this sweet spot like ages 6 to 9. [/quote]

Excuse me, I didn't realize that you know definitively the experience for every family.

Look, I'm not saying that I don't think teenagers can be hard, or are even more likely to be harder in some ways than parenting young kids.  But the know-it-all style of "oh how cute, if you think this is hard just wait" is patronizing and also not always accurate.  Everyone finds challenges in different places; kids are different, too.

I have two kids and stopped at two because I didn't want to be overextended as household with two parents working out of the home, and I tried to quit while ahead, so to speak.  But I know more than one family who had delightful teenage years following truly trying "childhood" years.  So while I absolutely think people should realistically anticipate the needs of babies who grow into kids who grow into tweens who grow into teens who grow into young adults and so on, to assume that one stage is universally harder is simply blind to the multitude of lived experiences that would suggest otherwise.[/quote]

Yikes, back down. Bigger kids DOES equal bigger problems. It’s not even a question. Not to say the teen years aren’t enjoyable in their own way, but seriously, it’s a new level of stress. And I had very demanding, young age children - including a special needs child, multiple deaths in my immediate family, career ups and downs and the like. I’m not trying to diminish your experience, but to remind you that there isn’t a get out of jail free card in your immediate future. [/quote]

DP and I agree with you. I know you aren't saying "just you wait" or trying to diminish the challenges of younger kids. We all know what those are, and it is hard! The childcare piece specifically, and those year when your kids just need you a lot. It can be especially hard on moms.

But yes, there is a different quality to the challenges of the teen years. The decisions feel weightier. We are preparing children to go into the world as adults. We have great kids and have been fortunate to NOT have serious behavioral or academic issues. It still weights on me more. I totally agree with you that there is this sweet spot between 6 and 9/10/11 (depending on the kid) where you can kind of settle into family life and things are not in flux and the demands are fairly minimal. But puberty shifts things for everyone. Even if your kid doesn't become sexually active or doesn't do drugs/alcohol, some of their peers will, and that can change the dynamics for them a lot. Same with social media. You can keep your kid in a bubble, to an extent, but it will have social consequences for them. Then you get to high school and they feel the weight and so do you -- figuring out who they are and what they want out of life. It's big. It's also exciting and fun and I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to watch your child grow into an adult you actually like. But easy? Nope. You may not be arranging childcare coverage or potty training or cutting up food, but you are working and worrying. It's relentless in a different way.

That's not a "just you wait" warning. It's an acknowledgement that parents of teens don't just coast. People should be aware going into parenthood that it does not get easier or more simple as they get older. It's not just a question of getting through the baby/toddler years and then you're golden. It's a very long commitment.[/quote]

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