The empathy is strong with this one

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents of kids under 13 are so cute.

“The toddler years are hard, but everything gets easier and cheaper once they get into school.”

-signed, mom of high schoolers

It depends what your kids are into. And what their crowed is like.

My kids don't care about clothes etc. They're into online stuff.

I spend a lot of time enriching my 3 children. I would not be ok with my kids just doing online stuff.

I do know many parents who are totally fine letting their kids have screens all day.

I am not saying all working parents do this but I know a few parents who use screens like babysitters. If they are working from home, kids are allowed screens after school so parents can finish up work. I am sure lots of kids get screens after school. I was a latch key kid and watched tons of tv. I want my kids to have a different childhood than I did. My parents worked all the time and didn’t have much money. I have both time and money to enrich my children.

Well, I can see why you work hard so your kids don’t turn out like you did.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong or offensive about what she said. It might sting some parents who do that but she’s doing what’s best for her kids.

Came off as pretty judgmental to me. And frankly sounds like something she’s doing so she can brag about it. My kids would hate to be “enriched” constantly after school. They work hard during the school day and enjoy some down time and social time in the afternoons. Sometimes it does involve screens *gasp*!

There are tons of good reasons to be a SAHP but lots of “enrichment” is really not one of them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We didn’t think it through. We hired a nanny when our first was born and then had twins. We though we’d be able to transition to school at kindergarten for the twins and wouldn’t need nanny. Luckily with wised up before letting nanny go. She’s still with us and we honestly couldn’t function without her.

Interesting - two posters with surprise twins!
Congratulations to the both of you

NP. I'm another one with surprise twins. No fertility treatments, no twins in my family. I think you may be sarcastic though?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents of kids under 13 are so cute.

“The toddler years are hard, but everything gets easier and cheaper once they get into school.”

-signed, mom of high schoolers

This type of response is so not cute.

Many families actually do have an easier time once the kids are older. Even in high school.

No they don’t. Bigger kids, bigger problems. Definitely not easier. There is this sweet spot like ages 6 to 9.

Excuse me, I didn't realize that you know definitively the experience for every family.

Look, I'm not saying that I don't think teenagers can be hard, or are even more likely to be harder in some ways than parenting young kids. But the know-it-all style of "oh how cute, if you think this is hard just wait" is patronizing and also not always accurate. Everyone finds challenges in different places; kids are different, too.

I have two kids and stopped at two because I didn't want to be overextended as household with two parents working out of the home, and I tried to quit while ahead, so to speak. But I know more than one family who had delightful teenage years following truly trying "childhood" years. So while I absolutely think people should realistically anticipate the needs of babies who grow into kids who grow into tweens who grow into teens who grow into young adults and so on, to assume that one stage is universally harder is simply blind to the multitude of lived experiences that would suggest otherwise.

Yikes, back down. Bigger kids DOES equal bigger problems. It’s not even a question. Not to say the teen years aren’t enjoyable in their own way, but seriously, it’s a new level of stress. And I had very demanding, young age children - including a special needs child, multiple deaths in my immediate family, career ups and downs and the like. I’m not trying to diminish your experience, but to remind you that there isn’t a get out of jail free card in your immediate future.

DP and I agree with you. I know you aren't saying "just you wait" or trying to diminish the challenges of younger kids. We all know what those are, and it is hard! The childcare piece specifically, and those year when your kids just need you a lot. It can be especially hard on moms.

But yes, there is a different quality to the challenges of the teen years. The decisions feel weightier. We are preparing children to go into the world as adults. We have great kids and have been fortunate to NOT have serious behavioral or academic issues. It still weights on me more. I totally agree with you that there is this sweet spot between 6 and 9/10/11 (depending on the kid) where you can kind of settle into family life and things are not in flux and the demands are fairly minimal. But puberty shifts things for everyone. Even if your kid doesn't become sexually active or doesn't do drugs/alcohol, some of their peers will, and that can change the dynamics for them a lot. Same with social media. You can keep your kid in a bubble, to an extent, but it will have social consequences for them. Then you get to high school and they feel the weight and so do you -- figuring out who they are and what they want out of life. It's big. It's also exciting and fun and I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to watch your child grow into an adult you actually like. But easy? Nope. You may not be arranging childcare coverage or potty training or cutting up food, but you are working and worrying. It's relentless in a different way.

That's not a "just you wait" warning. It's an acknowledgement that parents of teens don't just coast. People should be aware going into parenthood that it does not get easier or more simple as they get older. It's not just a question of getting through the baby/toddler years and then you're golden. It's a very long commitment.

Anonymous wrote:What a nasty OP, who doesn't realize that sometimes LIFE happens, and your child is born with special needs, or your spouse develops a chronic illness, or someone loses their job, etc...

Bad things happen, and the best plans fail.

It might happen to you, OP! And after this diatribe, it will be called karma.

DP, but no it won't happen to OP because it's actually pretty easy to control how many kids you have. Other than the surprise twin people, which is very rare. Of course sometimes life happens and someone loses a job or gets sick or has special needs. That's precisely why some of us would never choose to have 3+ kids -- because then what do you do when life, inevitably, happens?

I learned from my own upbringing that you need to think about these things when you plan your family and not just assume it will all work out when you decide you are done having babies. I went through a long period when I dearly wanted to have another child but chose not to because we wanted to build space into our life for contingency plans. It was the right choice, by a mile. A few years of unrequited baby fever in return for more security and a more relaxed and manageable life for all of us down the road.

You do get to choose.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents of kids under 13 are so cute.

“The toddler years are hard, but everything gets easier and cheaper once they get into school.”

-signed, mom of high schoolers

This type of response is so not cute.

Many families actually do have an easier time once the kids are older. Even in high school.

No they don’t. Bigger kids, bigger problems. Definitely not easier. There is this sweet spot like ages 6 to 9.

Excuse me, I didn't realize that you know definitively the experience for every family.

Look, I'm not saying that I don't think teenagers can be hard, or are even more likely to be harder in some ways than parenting young kids. But the know-it-all style of "oh how cute, if you think this is hard just wait" is patronizing and also not always accurate. Everyone finds challenges in different places; kids are different, too.

I have two kids and stopped at two because I didn't want to be overextended as household with two parents working out of the home, and I tried to quit while ahead, so to speak. But I know more than one family who had delightful teenage years following truly trying "childhood" years. So while I absolutely think people should realistically anticipate the needs of babies who grow into kids who grow into tweens who grow into teens who grow into young adults and so on, to assume that one stage is universally harder is simply blind to the multitude of lived experiences that would suggest otherwise.

Yikes, back down. Bigger kids DOES equal bigger problems. It’s not even a question. Not to say the teen years aren’t enjoyable in their own way, but seriously, it’s a new level of stress. And I had very demanding, young age children - including a special needs child, multiple deaths in my immediate family, career ups and downs and the like. I’m not trying to diminish your experience, but to remind you that there isn’t a get out of jail free card in your immediate future.

I know a supermom of 3 kids. She is a teacher and her husband works long hours. Her kids are all extremely sweet and involved in several extracurricular activities. Her family seems so happy.

I always ask her how she does it but she just smiles and shrugs her shoulders like it's nothing. Little does she know, she's superhero status.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents of kids under 13 are so cute.

“The toddler years are hard, but everything gets easier and cheaper once they get into school.”

-signed, mom of high schoolers

This type of response is so not cute.

Many families actually do have an easier time once the kids are older. Even in high school.

No they don’t. Bigger kids, bigger problems. Definitely not easier. There is this sweet spot like ages 6 to 9.

Excuse me, I didn't realize that you know definitively the experience for every family.

Look, I'm not saying that I don't think teenagers can be hard, or are even more likely to be harder in some ways than parenting young kids. But the know-it-all style of "oh how cute, if you think this is hard just wait" is patronizing and also not always accurate. Everyone finds challenges in different places; kids are different, too.

I have two kids and stopped at two because I didn't want to be overextended as household with two parents working out of the home, and I tried to quit while ahead, so to speak. But I know more than one family who had delightful teenage years following truly trying "childhood" years. So while I absolutely think people should realistically anticipate the needs of babies who grow into kids who grow into tweens who grow into teens who grow into young adults and so on, to assume that one stage is universally harder is simply blind to the multitude of lived experiences that would suggest otherwise.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents of kids under 13 are so cute.

“The toddler years are hard, but everything gets easier and cheaper once they get into school.”

-signed, mom of high schoolers

This type of response is so not cute.

Many families actually do have an easier time once the kids are older. Even in high school.

No they don’t. Bigger kids, bigger problems. Definitely not easier. There is this sweet spot like ages 6 to 9.

Not in my experience. My teen is way easier now than she was as a preschooler.

- mom of elementary, middle and high schoolers

Anonymous wrote:We didn’t think it through. We hired a nanny when our first was born and then had twins. We though we’d be able to transition to school at kindergarten for the twins and wouldn’t need nanny. Luckily with wised up before letting nanny go. She’s still with us and we honestly couldn’t function without her.

Interesting - two posters with surprise twins!
Congratulations to the both of you

Anonymous wrote:I have five and it isn’t chaos.

The biggest issue is always and has always been childcare. Once you have that figured out, it doesn’t matter how many kids you have.

I think it’s fantastic you have juggled five kids and a job! I honestly think (innate) temperament and organizational skills play a huge factor in this. I have three kids, SAHM, and no way I could do all that you do. But I also think there is a self selection factor in the type of families that go on to have more than four kids in the first place. The families I know with 5-6 kids are all fairly chill and organized.

What a nasty OP, who doesn't realize that sometimes LIFE happens, and your child is born with special needs, or your spouse develops a chronic illness, or someone loses their job, etc...

Bad things happen, and the best plans fail.

It might happen to you, OP! And after this diatribe, it will be called karma.

I had three kids, but each 4 years apart. I think that helped. Youngest is 16.

I never found working full-time with 3 little kids to be “very hard” and to refer to it as “soul crushing” is beyond absurd. Having multiple kids is expensive, no doubt about it, but the costs are usually fairly easy to predict. I’m certainly glad we went that route now that our older two are off in college. It’s so much fun having kids at home, and the teen years have been really good with all three of ours.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents of kids under 13 are so cute.

“The toddler years are hard, but everything gets easier and cheaper once they get into school.”

-signed, mom of high schoolers

It depends what your kids are into. And what their crowed is like.

My kids don't care about clothes etc. They're into online stuff.

I spend a lot of time enriching my 3 children. I would not be ok with my kids just doing online stuff.

I do know many parents who are totally fine letting their kids have screens all day.

I am not saying all working parents do this but I know a few parents who use screens like babysitters. If they are working from home, kids are allowed screens after school so parents can finish up work. I am sure lots of kids get screens after school. I was a latch key kid and watched tons of tv. I want my kids to have a different childhood than I did. My parents worked all the time and didn’t have much money. I have both time and money to enrich my children.

Well, I can see why you work hard so your kids don’t turn out like you did.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong or offensive about what she said. It might sting some parents who do that but she’s doing what’s best for her kids.