Reply to I ruined my marriage with my soulmate

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]All of your issues come from the same place — inability to tolerate difficult emotions. If you let yourself feel some of this without the whole story of self-blame, with some compassion for yourself, you would be in a different place.[/quote]

This is a very good point. I always struggled with that, and with adversity in general, instead of counting my blessings and living in the present moment. Been always looking for safety. I just don't know how to move away from the self-blame - because objectively, I acted in such a horrible way against my ex-wife who was just kindess and understanding with me. Why would I have some compassion for myself given what I have done?[/quote]

PP here. The self-blame and judgment is a narrative in your head; a habit, if you will. You may have been brought up to judge and get into your head instead of feeling and learning to work through your feelings. The compassion you need to generate for yourself starts there — in understanding your own emotional life and history, in realizing that you never cultivated the ability to feel your emotions and acknowledge them kindly. This led you to avoid difficult feelings and seek distraction and control whenever painful emotions came up. That’s where you were at the time. You can only take responsibility after you become responsive to what’s in you. This is the stuff you’re responsible for. Once you get a handle on that you won’t be running away from everything. You will know how to genuinely assume responsibility for your relationships, how to genuinely hear and make room for other people’s feelings and offer the kind of response that would mean something. But right now you need to stop spinning in the loop of self-hatred and blame. That’s not helping anyone. Feel the things you’re afraid of feeling.[/quote]

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