Reply to Ok to just make major parental decisions solo?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP being vague is not going to improve the communications issues with your spouse.  What does "executive functioning issues" actually mean?  It's a nonsense phrase that is so diffuse as to be meaningless.  What specific skills or tasks or abilities do you feel your son to be deficient in respect to?  What specific deficits we're identified by the IEP team and written up under 504?  Example, the student is in a wheelchair and needs extra time to get from class to class as an accomodation.  The child is dyslexic and needs extra time to complete times examinations.  A 504 suggests some deficit was identified which does not rise to the level of a disability but does warrant some in school accomodation.  I'm sure it doesn't say "the mother  thinks the child  child has executive functioning issues" in the IEP.  There has to be more and it has to be much more specific of you want to die on this hill.[/quote]

By executive functioning issues, I mean organization, planning, time management, and attention issues. Our child has an IEP for a gifted program. No 504 yet.  [b]The issues I mentioned were brought up by several different teachers over the years, and in particular, by the teacher of the gifted program, and written up in the IEP as well[/b].[/quote]

NP. OP, do you feel you know the teachers well enough to tell them frankly that you want an evaluation and supports, and your DH is very resistant, and to ask if they will explain to him why this is needed; why it doesn't bear a stigma; why it matters a LOT to get this going now, long before your kid is in high school (when various issues can become huge as the HS workload increases and students are expected to handle all their own time management etc.)?

In your shoes, I likely would: 1) Check if the pediatrician eval and letter you need can be gotten by just one parent. 2) If yes -- make that appointment and lump it with an annual exam or other visit. I hate to play games like that but if you DH goes ballistic that you had an eval done you at least can say truthfully that as DC was going for X reason anyway, you said yes to an eval. Probably they're two different visits, alas. 3) Get DC's teachers and counselor on board to explain this to DH. Sometimes people hear a third party say things much better than they can hear the same things from a spouse--unfortunately. I'd do step 3 no matter what you decide about getting the eval done without DH's OK.

I am concerned though that any DH and father who is so adamantly against just an evaluation is going to be angry that you are telling other people, even teachers, that you want more evaluation, you feel your child has issues, etc. Your DH sounds old-school--does he not "believe" in IEPs and 504s etc. and has just grudgingly gone along so far, but says he's done? There are some adults who still think that "If DC just works harder and isn't so lazy it'll be fine, and I don't want some diagnosis labeling my kid" etc. Is your DH like that? He might be very misinformed, or listening to relatives or friends who are telling him a "label" dooms his kid. [/quote]

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