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[quote=Anonymous]OP here. Didn’t mean to ghost the thread. Updates:

His neurologist came up empty. Thinks the first seizure was definitely due to high BP (it was higher than she’s ever seen and since they took several attempts to get it back down) and the second seizure was a mystery. Because one was “with cause”, this rules out epilepsy (need 2 or more without cause). That being said, I’m not sold. DH isn’t either, but he’s also not the type to keep looking for answers/ doesn’t do a lot of medical research (meanwhile I’m all over the internet looking for any shred of answers).  He’ll go back in 6 months for another work up.

His sleep study came back as negative for sleep apnea.  Interestingly, since he cut way back on drinking, he’s been snoring less and sleeping better, and the sleep study was done after cutting back. I’m thinking the sleep issues were definitely alcohol related. I’m sure he’s a snorer by nature, and the alcohol exacerbated it.

Regarding the drinking.. some of you can pat yourselves on the back for knowing what I should have known: he’s been secretly drinking. About a week after I wrote this post, I took a swig of his Gatorade and gagged. There was vodka in it. I confronted him which turned into a big argument, of course. At first he said it was the first time he’s done it. Later in the conversation he admitted to “doing it a handful of times” over the last couple months. Basically, we decided to cut back due to all the health reasons and to improve our marriage (since he knows I’ve grown to get incredibly irritated at his drinking habits, but also as we get older I want to pay more attention to our health in general, his issues aside) - so his solution was to indeed cut back, but continue having the occasional spiked juice, secretly, in and out of my presence. 
After fighting (moreso me, at him) I told him he needs therapy to address his issues (which lead to anxiety, which leads him to drink) and to completely stop drinking. 
He said to give him a few weeks to think about the therapy thing (I’m not an idiot - that means he won’t and is hoping I’ll drop it) and to please consider that he may not be an alcoholic but needs to adapt much better habits surrounding drinking. Essentially “I f*cked up, please give me another chance”. So I did - meaning, I’m not asking you to stop drinking, but you need to stick with what we “both” agreed to - better habits including X Y and Z examples. 
I said if you sneak around and lie again, I’m done. I don’t mean the big ‘D’ word but I just can’t handle another instance of lying. I’ve been there done that (my ex was a cheater) and although that’s not the same, I know myself and I know I won’t mentally be able to handle feeling betrayed again.

Fast forward to yesterday. We’re having a lazy Sunday. He’s been addicted to Diet Coke ever since he’s been drinking less. He had about 2, went into the kitchen to pour another (he always drinks out of his cooler cup) but instead, he takes a can out of the fridge and pours it in, but in the sink. I glanced quickly and saw him toss the beer can in recycling, purposely using his body to hide it.  I didn’t say anything right away (I’m not sure why, I think I was trying to figure out if this was a big deal or not). A few hours later I looked at him and said “have you been drinking today?”  He said “No”. I said “are you sure?” And he said “yes. Why??” I said “DH, I saw you pour a beer into your cup. I looked over to ask you something and you were clearly hiding the fact that you were pouring a beer. I saw it. You just lied to me”

I know, I sound like an d*ck for “setting him up”. Another argument ensued, cue emotional crying on his part, I’m so sorry. Please give me another chance. I can’t lose you. I’m so sorry. Etc etc.

I don’t know what to do. I feel like I set him up to fail. I feel like if he wanted a beer, he could’ve just had a beer. Yes I would’ve been a little annoyed given what we agreed to, but I also would’ve given him a pass since he’s been “good” lately and we’re just sitting around watching a movie. Who cares if he wants a beer. Instead, he hid it from me because his dictator wife won’t let him drink when he wants to. When asked, he lied, because it was easier than being honest. We’ve all done it. But I asked even though I already knew the answer - that’s kind of messed up on my part (I think).  My main issue is the lying. I can’t handle lying. It tears me up inside and turns me into an incredibly anxious person and it’s hard to come back from that.

I don’t know where to go from here. I feel like he 100% has a drinking problem (I could list a dozen examples here of past incidents) and is working on it, despite a couple slip ups. Despite that, I feel like I created this giant issue and now he’s destined to fail because I can’t forgive the slip ups. I guess I am looking for support or for someone to tell me to lighten up? Please be kind, I’m torn up inside right now.

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