Reply to Did you go through a goth or punk phase? Please help me understand the aesthetic

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m all for self expression, but I’d like to understand the motivation behind the goth/punk aesthetic as my teenager made an abrupt change in her style during Covid while experiencing severe depression and suicidal ideation. Prior to this change in mental health and styling she was a low maintenance, casual dresser who took pride in her hair and makeup. She now seems to be intentionally trying to look intimidating and “extreme” while trying to act like she doesn’t GAF (but she does  :wink: ).

Any BTDT experience and guidance would be appreciated. I want to be supportive, but I also want her mentally healthy and don’t want to keep her in an unhealthy mental place by encouraging her fashion choices that seem to be reflecting her inner turmoil. 
[/quote]

TBH, I thought the guys were hot. If I wanted to get with the gothy-punk guys, I had to be a gothy-punk girl. Also, I hated heels and loved wearing combat boots and striped tights, so that was all good. [/quote]

Oh yeah, I thought the boys in black lipstick and nail polish were so hot (honestly, most of them were pretty nice, too).

I was borderline goth back in the late 80s. I mostly got into it because I loved the music, liked the vaguely Victorian aesthetic, and - as noted above - thought the boys were hot. I wasn’t depressed or rebellious, just expressing what appealed to me at that point in my life. My parents had been fairly rebellious hippies in their day, so they took it in stride since I wasn’t getting involved in alcohol/drugs and my grades and mental health were good. My style now is ridiculously preppy, haha.

Of course some teens embrace goth subcultures/style because of mental health or other problems. In some cases, this might be a good thing if a teen finds a supportive group of friends who happen to share the same interest. Really, IME the goth kids were normal kids like any other HS group - they just had cooler taste in music and clothes.
But I can see how it could also contribute to darker moods (some of the music is legit depressing). I think it’s best to keep any eye on your daughter but not criticize or discourage her new goth persona *unless* you see evidence that it might be making her feel worse.[/quote]

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