Reply to Should I Talk to My Family About Conflict With My Brother?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP: You're defensiveness in the face of the preponderance of posts on here would point to your role in this situation. I see so many people come out of therapy playing the victim and unable to own up to their own responsibility in relationships. You and your brother are different. You want him to say that your way, opinions, lifestyle, are the right way and his is wrong. Why should he do that? Why would you involve your parents? You are the bigger problem in this dymamic. But you found a therapist who wants you to keep paying them, so they tell you what you want to hear. This is why therapy is so dangerous. [/quote]

OP. Just want to clarify that my therapy was a specific period of time, it's not some ongoing thing. I think it was important for me coming from a family where (A) emotions always ran high and (B) parents were always pointing out our flaws, fixing us, and arguing about right and wrong. I agree it can become dangerous, though, and that's why I'm not doing it as a permanent thing.

Ten years ago, yes, I thought I was right and he was wrong. But after therapy, and I suppose after growing up a bit, I have come to a place where I'm more than ready to say: We are totally different, and that's ok. I've long since dropped judgment of his lifestyle (he does have pretty strong conservative beliefs about BLM/systemic racism, and those are hard to accept, but I really just try to avoid that whole topic).

I definitely do not want him to be wrong and me to be right. I want us both to just respect each other; to realize that we are different and that doesn't make EITHER OF US wrong. I am just tired of being criticized all the time and getting a flood of demeaning comments and zero give when I try to explain my perspective.

Some of the responses were really off base, so I was defensive, I guess (like people are criticizing my marriage, where we really don't have this problem - it's specifically with my brother and no one else in my life). But, a lot of the constructive criticism is helpful and I am going to be changing my approach to this whole problem based on the comments I got. [/quote]

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