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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think you made a poor choice in a life partner - not that anything is wrong with either of you.  Love isn't enough for a successful relationship.  There is nothing in your OP that is a showstopper for having kids.  Zillions of people have to juggle schedules and childcare. Your DH being in the USAF Reserves is not the problem.  [b]You are[/b]. [/quote]

Wow! I am gobsmacked. Someone on DCUM telling another woman like it is! [/quote]

NP. But what actual advice does that PP offer? None, zero, zip. Not useful except to make the PP feel cool for telling off OP. Same goes for you, PP above. What do you actually advise, or are you just happy to come along and pile on OP? OP seems pretty naive but that doesn't make her "the problem."

OP needs to have real, grown-up communication with the DH and they need to do as another actually useful PP noted: The DH needs to take on responsibility alongside OP for things like child care coverage, chores that keep the household running etc., if he wants to have children. It's what adults do, but OP needs to recognize that she and her DH must talk like adults and do some serious planning -- not just let things happen. I'm copying that one solid, serious post here, so OP, read this again:

[b]I don’t think he needs to give it up, but I do think the onus is on him to arrange for alternate childcare when he has to leave. So he needs to be setting up interviews with sitters and nannies, and be the one to call them and arrange things when he has to go. Also to handle his chores while he’s gone, so things like preparing extra meals and freezing them for you, cleaning the house before he goes, etc.

I’d lay out expectations beforehand and make sure he comes up with a solid plan before kids arrive. It’ll be easy for him to agree to it but then not really know what to do, or not follow through.[/b]

OP, I'd add: This is not as black and white as "either he gives up the reserves or I give up on my career and/or a child." You can find a balance but he does need to be on board. A solid plan that you both stick to. He needs to hear that you value his service and you know flying is part of how he defines himself, but you also value your career and it's part of how YOU define yourself, and that's -- to be blunt -- equally valid. (That won't be popular here on this thread but so what.) You and he need to talk as equal partners. And I refer you back to the post in bold above. Be intentional and make a plan--both of you. He doesn't have to quit but he should WANT to work with you as a team so you too have career goals and both of you have family goals. [/quote]

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