Reply to How to stop/guide DD14 from jumping from boy to boy?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm 51 and [b]I remember a lot of girls getting involved with boys in 6th grade and getting in way over their head by early teens. 
The girls were typically of low self-esteem, unmotivated at school, and not well supervised. I also recall the boys treating these girls very poorly and I'm sure it affected their future relationships. I'm sorry if that sounds critical, but that's how I remember it. This should have been discouraged earlier. 
[/b]
My friends were high achievers-- we had "crushes" in middle school but no one had a boyfriend until we were at least 15-16 or older. We were busy with music, grades, youth group, and other activities. [/quote]

How do you know what actually happened between these kids if they weren't your friends?  First-hand knowledge?  How?[/quote]

Yes, there were girls in my neighborhood that (by 6th grade) were having boys over while their parents were at work. They talked about it openly.

There was also a lot of drama, break ups, gossip, etc. I'm not putting anyone down--I had a single mom and very little supervision myself. I don't know why I didn't go down this road, except that I was a nerd and boys weren't very interested in me...by the time they were, I was older and making good decisions.

I think we can agree that OP's DD needs more supervision and boundaries + activities that will increase self esteem. It's okay to tell kids that they're too young for dating, boyfriends, girlfriends, etc.

I have a DS15 and have encouraged him to develop friendships with girls, but not relationships. I know that will eventually happen regardless of my opinion, but the goal is to delay it until he's more mature. [/quote]

It truly depends on the kid.

DD is 13 and her peer group tends to have pretty natural boundaries about these things.  Some of them have "boyfriends," some of them do not.  But the ones who do seem to hold it very lightly.  The boyfriend is not primary at this age - the friends are.

So far, the kids still hang out together in a group (mixed group of girls and boys, some of whom are "dating"), walk to Starbucks or to get pizza after school, or stop by each other's sports games after school (always with friends - no one would do that solo!)

As far as DD knows, none of these kids are spending time together at each other's houses without parents around.  She's certainly not.  It's just a given that the parents are in touch with each other to confirm (1) it's ok if they hang out at their place; and (2) that someone will be home.

whole thing is very light.  They're not spending time together at each other's houses unsupervised.  They[/quote]

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