Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 51 and I remember a lot of girls getting involved with boys in 6th grade and getting in way over their head by early teens.
The girls were typically of low self-esteem, unmotivated at school, and not well supervised. I also recall the boys treating these girls very poorly and I'm sure it affected their future relationships. I'm sorry if that sounds critical, but that's how I remember it. This should have been discouraged earlier.

My friends were high achievers-- we had "crushes" in middle school but no one had a boyfriend until we were at least 15-16 or older. We were busy with music, grades, youth group, and other activities.

How do you know what actually happened between these kids if they weren't your friends? First-hand knowledge? How?

Yes, there were girls in my neighborhood that (by 6th grade) were having boys over while their parents were at work. They talked about it openly.

There was also a lot of drama, break ups, gossip, etc. I'm not putting anyone down--I had a single mom and very little supervision myself. I don't know why I didn't go down this road, except that I was a nerd and boys weren't very interested in me...by the time they were, I was older and making good decisions.

I think we can agree that OP's DD needs more supervision and boundaries + activities that will increase self esteem. It's okay to tell kids that they're too young for dating, boyfriends, girlfriends, etc.

I have a DS15 and have encouraged him to develop friendships with girls, but not relationships. I know that will eventually happen regardless of my opinion, but the goal is to delay it until he's more mature.

It truly depends on the kid.

DD is 13 and her peer group tends to have pretty natural boundaries about these things. Some of them have "boyfriends," some of them do not. But the ones who do seem to hold it very lightly. The boyfriend is not primary at this age - the friends are.

So far, the kids still hang out together in a group (mixed group of girls and boys, some of whom are "dating"), walk to Starbucks or to get pizza after school, or stop by each other's sports games after school (always with friends - no one would do that solo!)

As far as DD knows, none of these kids are spending time together at each other's houses without parents around. She's certainly not. It's just a given that the parents are in touch with each other to confirm (1) it's ok if they hang out at their place; and (2) that someone will be home.




whole thing is very light. They're not spending time together at each other's houses unsupervised. They

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guarantee you that she’s knownaround school for her expertise in giving bj’s.

Very likely.

But if this is true, it’s so sad!

Also, it is dangerous, unless she is making the boy wear a condom. HPV can be transmitted this way. So can other STds

Anonymous wrote:I guarantee you that she’s knownaround school for her expertise in giving bj’s.

Very likely.

I guarantee you that she’s knownaround school for her expertise in giving bj’s.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It wasn’t cute in 6th grade and you have giant red flags now. I don’t think it’s abnormal to have relationships at this age but what your DD is doing is very abnormal. I agree about an ADHD screening. And about getting her distracted with sports and activities. And that she’s going to be sexual active (if she’s not already) bc boys can sniff this out and she probably already has a reputation. My DS knows a girl just like you’re describing and the other kids aren’t kind about it behind her back.

Enough with this already, folks. Every thread, it's a countdown until the diagnosis shoppers come in. Everything can't be neatly explained away with a freaking diagnosis.

Couldn't disagree with this more. It's the "parent harder!" And "therapy will fix it!" Posters who have it wrong.
Biology is the driver of behavior in nearly all cases. A poster above described girls unmotivated and low self esteem. Classic behavior of undiagnosed adhd in girls. The adhd brain is immature in prefrontal cortex development and makes impulsive, thrill seeking decisions.
I'm sorry your understanding of the world is centered more on hoo-doo vs science, but the facts are still the facts. Biology drives behavior.

My middle schooler isn’t allowed to date. I’m not sure when we will allow it but certainly not in 6th grade.

Just tell her she must take a break and not date anyway until further notice because she is not making good choices.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to sit her down and have a very serious conversation with her about sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancies and sexual assault. Make her watch videos about it. She's in high school, or going there next year? There will be a whole lot of boys who might push her into stuff. Or maybe she won't need pushing. So put the fear of God into your little one, keep her busy, and try to arrange fun activities for her friend group to keep an eye on them (and see if the friend group is the part of the problem).

You clearly don’t have high school aged children.

I do. DS is in 11th grade.

And you would accuse boys of pushing her into stuff? Wow.

LOL boys don't push girls into sex. Do you use the hashtag boymom on all SM posts?

Um, what?

Anonymous wrote:It wasn’t cute in 6th grade and you have giant red flags now. I don’t think it’s abnormal to have relationships at this age but what your DD is doing is very abnormal. I agree about an ADHD screening. And about getting her distracted with sports and activities. And that she’s going to be sexual active (if she’s not already) bc boys can sniff this out and she probably already has a reputation. My DS knows a girl just like you’re describing and the other kids aren’t kind about it behind her back.

Enough with this already, folks. Every thread, it's a countdown until the diagnosis shoppers come in. Everything can't be neatly explained away with a freaking diagnosis.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 51 and I remember a lot of girls getting involved with boys in 6th grade and getting in way over their head by early teens.
The girls were typically of low self-esteem, unmotivated at school, and not well supervised. I also recall the boys treating these girls very poorly and I'm sure it affected their future relationships. I'm sorry if that sounds critical, but that's how I remember it. This should have been discouraged earlier.

My friends were high achievers-- we had "crushes" in middle school but no one had a boyfriend until we were at least 15-16 or older. We were busy with music, grades, youth group, and other activities.

How do you know what actually happened between these kids if they weren't your friends? First-hand knowledge? How?

Yes, there were girls in my neighborhood that (by 6th grade) were having boys over while their parents were at work. They talked about it openly.

There was also a lot of drama, break ups, gossip, etc. I'm not putting anyone down--I had a single mom and very little supervision myself. I don't know why I didn't go down this road, except that I was a nerd and boys weren't very interested in me...by the time they were, I was older and making good decisions.

I think we can agree that OP's DD needs more supervision and boundaries + activities that will increase self esteem. It's okay to tell kids that they're too young for dating, boyfriends, girlfriends, etc.

I have a DS15 and have encouraged him to develop friendships with girls, but not relationships. I know that will eventually happen regardless of my opinion, but the goal is to delay it until he's more mature.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You allowed this behaviour in 6th grade. I see this in my kid's class with girls and it isn't cute then.
That was the first mistake. Now you have to go back and fix what you started. Limit means of contact - set limits on cell phone use. No texting after 9pm. Monitor all cell phone use. Track where she goes and for how long. When she starts down the road of anything inappropriate, you step in. It is time to parent and not just let things happen.

Agreed.

Some young moms think it is cute when they do it with their toddlers. A friend used to comment when her DS used to play with DD about how great it would be if the kids grew up an marry. I know this is just meaningless talk but I used to put a stop to it. I would say something like "Well, not your son because he is like a sibling". Why do women do that? It is not cute. The kids grow up hearing such nonsense and then they think it is normal.

My kids know that they can have school friends but no dating is allowed. They are in clubs and activities with boys and girls and they respect each other. is. Even if you have a son, don't start commenting on girls (who are not interested in your son anyways) and start listing how they have qualities to be your son's girlfriend or spouse. Maybe wait till everyone is educated, working, adulting and living independently before you start dreaming about their romantic relationships.

+2 (NP)

Anonymous wrote:It wasn’t cute in 6th grade and you have giant red flags now. I don’t think it’s abnormal to have relationships at this age but what your DD is doing is very abnormal. I agree about an ADHD screening. And about getting her distracted with sports and activities. And that she’s going to be sexual active (if she’s not already) bc boys can sniff this out and she probably already has a reputation. My DS knows a girl just like you’re describing and the other kids aren’t kind about it behind her back.

I disagree with this one, a week feels more like a year in teen. and if she was smart enough to leave the last guy, she will be fine, and no boys aren't dogs, they don't sniff things out. they can't even tell if their clothes are clean or not, this are hs kids, not a frat

Anonymous wrote:You allowed this behaviour in 6th grade. I see this in my kid's class with girls and it isn't cute then.
That was the first mistake. Now you have to go back and fix what you started. Limit means of contact - set limits on cell phone use. No texting after 9pm. Monitor all cell phone use. Track where she goes and for how long. When she starts down the road of anything inappropriate, you step in. It is time to parent and not just let things happen.

Brilliant! Just control every action the girl makes, from breathing to her text messages. If you step in as often as this comment is recommending, she will do EVERYTHING in her power to go against you because she will think she is right, and you can only control her for so long 4 yrs until she's an adult and she won't be able to tell a nice guy from an awful one. Because you kept butting in.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She started "dating in 6th grade, and it was cute and innocent etc. But since then Hasnt been on a break, it was boy to boy to boy. The last one being the worst experience since he was clearly sexually objectifying her and she was letting it happened and get used to it. Lots of coaching and therapy. and she claims she split with him only to find another boy right away.
How do I stop her? Everytime I say something, its almost like she is going the exact opposite direction.
How do I gently teach her to stop dating for a bit and get her bearings together?

These posts fascinate me. You are the parent. She is the child. You tell her she's too young to date and isn't allowed to go out alone with boys. Phone comes to a central area out of her control at 8:30pm. Get her involved in activities.

Nah! What if the kid has needs?

Anonymous wrote:I'm 51 and I remember a lot of girls getting involved with boys in 6th grade and getting in way over their head by early teens.
The girls were typically of low self-esteem, unmotivated at school, and not well supervised. I also recall the boys treating these girls very poorly and I'm sure it affected their future relationships. I'm sorry if that sounds critical, but that's how I remember it. This should have been discouraged earlier.

My friends were high achievers-- we had "crushes" in middle school but no one had a boyfriend until we were at least 15-16 or older. We were busy with music, grades, youth group, and other activities.

How do you know what actually happened between these kids if they weren't your friends? First-hand knowledge? How?

Therapy, therapy and more therapy. She is clearly looking for validation, but why? Self-knowledge is power.