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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t regret leaving him but I do (deeply) regret the impact it had on my kids. It scarred them and I see the it affecting their relationships with others and with me. In retrospect I was way too shallow in thinking about the impact on them as I so desperately wanted to get away from my ex. [/quote]

Not sure how you could have changed very much, given that it seems it was not an option to stay.[/quote]

PP here.

I think if I could change anything I would have been more open with them as things were getting worse. Kids were tweens at the time. As it was, I think the divorce kind of came out of the blue to them. One day normal family, the next day divorce. I think they blame me for causing the divorce when the reality was both at fault with a workaholic, emotionally-checked out husband.  That shock of the announcement really impacted them in the short term (for example, their grades that semester were awful, they quit sports, and had a rough patch with friends). Longer-term I see they are not as trusting of others and have had a hard time dating, not to mention all the weekend visitation hassle and split houses and whatnot. My DD is not as open with me still as I had hoped she would be. My DS, who has a bit more of my ex's personality, blames me for not trying harder.

I was a bit in la-la land of "their kids, they'll get over it, they're resilient" kind of stuff and too focused on what I was going to do next, both career and personal life. Dating was hard for me with too resentful kids in tow and it wasn't until they went off to college that I found a steady partner and even now they are cordial but not friendly with him.

To the OP I'd just say one thing: the financial and logistical challenges of a divorce are difficult and ones you are focused on, but you really need to examine the psychological toll it will take on the kids. That's the problem that might go on and on for years.[/quote]

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