Reply to Is there a kind way to stop MIL from using a pet name for my kid?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yeah the fact that she escalated after you pointed it out means she knows absolutely that this is getting a rise out of you and is enjoying it.

Depending on the age of the kid either I would say or tell my child she could (but doesn’t have to) say that she prefers grandma call her “Sarah”. If she’s otherwise a good MIL I’d privately tell her, hey, Sarah mentioned to me she feels uncomfortable with you using her parents name for her, but you know how she is she’s never going to tell you that she loves you to bits. If she continues using it after that, tells you how much she cares about boundaries...[/quote]

So, you'd lie to Grandma and say your child said something you didn't, and then it would teach you what the other person thinks about boundaries?

Sarah didn't mention that she felt uncomfortable.  She got put on a spot by a parent who admits that they're visibly annoyed when it happens and bent over backwards to find a response that didn't offend anyone.  The kid is so scared of mom's reaction that she freezes and looks to her when this happens.  This is a parent with huge problems with boundaries.  Grandma isn't the issue.  [/quote]

I disagree. I think her response that it is a name only for Mommy and Daddy to use suggests she’s not comfortable with Grandma using it.  Grandparents are not parents, and a [b]reasonable boundary[/b] is to not use the same name a parent does.  If MiL won’t accept a reasonable request to use the same name for the child she has been using all along,  then she is out of line.

My husband calls me an affectionate name in public. That doesn’t mean my father in law is welcome to.[/quote]

My issue with this approach is that it shifts accountability.  OP is the one with the issue.  Or, at least, we KNOW OP has an issue and the child may have an issue.  It is wrong to make this about the child.  We shouldn't use our kids that way.  OP needs to speak for herself, relying on her own emotions and desires, if she feels the need to say anything at all.[/quote]

OP is the child’s mother. I think she can say better than we can if her daughter is actually ok with this.[/quote]

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