Reply to Mother always tries to embarrass me in front of my kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm still interested in the concept of getting "embarrassed" in front of my kids.  I honestly cannot imagine that happening.

For me at least, everything within the family is fair game and all in good fun and/or in the interest of honesty and just being completely comfortable around eachother.  Speaking ill outside of the family....different thing altogether.

Everybody is different OP.  Decide what works for you.  There is a lot of space between not caring at all and cutting her off from your kids.

[/quote]

Its different when the story teller knows what they are doing and it’s not all in good fun. The mocking and demeaning only ever go one way where the story teller is the hero and the other person is the villain.[/quote]

PP and I agree.  But nothing the OP has posted so far makes that clear that is the case here.  Certainly not the "hero and villain" part.  It may be true, but it may not be.  [b]A lot is being assumed about the mother's intent[/b]...[/quote]

Really? You think so? OP stated that her mom repeatedly tells negative stories about her, OP asked her not to, and then her mom cried and accused OP of being mean to her. You think we’re assuming that Op’s mom isn’t caring about OP’s feelings when she keeps doing something OP has asked her to stop doing because it bothers her? Then crying when called out on this bad behavior, you think we’re making too many assumptions when we call it manipulative?

Not sure if your rose colored glasses prevent you from seeing bullying behavior or if something else is at play, and I wouldn’t want to assume anything about you because I don’t know you, but OP spelled the situation out pretty clearly leaving no need to assume if her mother is being kind or unkind to her. [/quote]

OP said the mom “apologizes then cries and says she is being hard on her”.  She doesn’t say how many times this has happened.  I’m not sure why we assume both the apology and the tears are insincere.  Is it possible that OP was in fact being overly harsh when the mother meant no harm? It isn’t manipulative if the reaction is sincere.

I don’t know what is in the mom’s head.  Nor do I know exactly how these interactions have gone down and who said exactly what.  Neither do you.

I was offering a different perspective for the OP to consider, given we have no other facts to conclude that the relationship with the mom is terrible.  Call them rose-colored glasses if you want, but I try not to assume intent and I try to think the best of people.  I also recognize that we only get one side of a story here.

It may very well be that this mother is a manipulative bully.  If so, OK.  But it also may not…[/quote]

The fact that it’s happened multiple times is your clue.  If someone says you need to stop doing something because it’s hurtful, but you keep on, then you cry when called out on it, you’re the problem. That it keeps happening despite being asked to stop shows the mom prefers to keep saying negative things about OP even if it hurts OP’s feelings. It also shows that OP’s mom doesn’t respect OP’s parenting choices, because she keeps doing this around the children.

I’m sure OP has considered other perspectives. She keeps letting her mom have chances to be a better person and not try to embarrass her in front of her kids or others. She hasn’t cut her off. But she’s within her rights to set a boundary and expect her mom to stop being negative and quit trying to embarrass her. She’s come to the conclusion that her mother’s intentions aren’t good. I’m not sure why it’s always seemingly surprising to some posters that some parents don’t have their kids best interests at heart, that some parents are emotionally and verbally abusive or good old fashioned bullies. [/quote]

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