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[quote=Anonymous]OP I can relate, except I have kids (one with special needs) and my mother is superficial, yet I yearned for it. My mother though always played favorites and made the scapegoat. The thing is she wants more of a relationship with me than I want with her. In old age she wants me to be her personal assistant. Unlike your sister, mom's Golden child struggles with relationships, and always has some drama or problem and mom wants me to listen to how princess is suffering and fix it. I had pneumonia once and almost hospitalized. I sounded like death when I spoke. She could care less. My sister had it a recovered quickly (pre-covid) and my mom was overcome with worry and empathy and wanted to talk about it every chance she got.

Therapy has helped me accept and detach and have boundaries (which she stomps on, but I keep), but I do find I am fine for a while and something big triggers me.  So, something to keep in mind if you get help....it helps, but waves come that I have to process. In my case though, I had to accept there was a lot of emotional and verbal abuse my whole life that I pretended like never happened.

I do agree with finding mother figures elsewhere and I have. I also am kind to myself and was fortunate to create a nice family of people who are good to me.

I just wish I could tell you all your sadness about it will go away. For me, it got better, but the triggers are hard.[/quote]

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