Reply to I have an egalitarian marriage, and I HATE it

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I basically have what you want, OP, though my DH is not a particularly high earner. My PT job has very high hourly pay though, so that balances it out a bit. We are pretty happy.

I’d still describe our marriage as egalitarian. We don’t split things 50/50 but we both do everything: childcare, cleaning, earn money. I do more of the long term planning (ok, basically all) and that’s the one part where I feel like my DH is a bit if a shirker. A lot of men seem to hate and/or are bad at that too. Stuff like finding a pediatric dentist, looking into summer camps for next year, figuring out vacation and family visit schedules, etc.

But that’s a major reason I prefer our current set up to one where we both work FT. I’d be doing that planning and household management piece no matter what. I’ve tried delegating at least part of it to DH and it causes strife. He resents it because he feels like he’ll fail and then I’ll be mad. It is absolutely a bit of learned helplessness. So I decided early on after we had kids that if I was going to be the family executive, I needed more bandwidth for it. It was really hard to do it with a full time job, especially with really little kids. [/quote]

We deal with this in our house by having planning count as a contribution. The one who does the planning and managing does not have to do as much of the execution. Problem solved.[/quote]

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