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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Of course he’s going to get defensive. You describe him as “incapable” and there’s no way that doesn’t come through. [b]Even if you’re just pointing out the mistakes he made (i.e. “you got regular coffee instead of decaf and nobody drinks decaf”) [/b]he picks up on your low opinion of him.[/quote]

NP. So what’s the solution? (Similar things have happened in my house.)

If I don’t point out the difference between what I asked for and what he purchased, he won’t know to look for it next time. It’s not about blaming him for his past mistake, it’s just about preventing the same mistake going forward. But my spouse takes everything I say so negatively, like OP’s spouse. I’ve been reading about rejection sensitive dysphoria, which sometimes occurs with ADD. I think it may be that. [/quote]

You don’t point out mistakes that have already been made. You set spouse up to succeed in the future. Next time you make a grocery list, you don’t write “coffee.” You write “Coffee - NO DECAF.” [/quote]

And then what when they brings home decaf coffee anyway?  At one point does OP get to stop managing their spouse like a five year old?[/quote]

That’s up to OP to decide. Different people have different thresholds. Which does OP value more: having spouse do the grocery shopping or getting the exact groceries she wants?[/quote]

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