Reply to I don't want to be under pressure when my DH isn't

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To address the several posters who asked about my job and the fact that I picked it:

I picked my job so that I can have a solid financial future and my kids can have opportunities. If I get a lower stress job, we could survive sure but lifestyle would take a massive hit as would savings of all kinds (retirement, college, cash savings, potential to send kids to private schools, etc).

My parents paid for my wedding and gave us house down payment. This helped us massively and call me crazy but I would like to do the same for my kids because it is not easy getting started out there.

DH doesn’t share my feelings. He thinks as long as we don’t die all is well. He has no DRIVE to take care of us in a proactive way.

It is stressful to try to provide for your family. I want to literally take some of that stress off of my shoulders and put it on his.

I actually like my job but I would prefer to coast a little bit, not worry about maximizing bonus and getting promoted. Have good enough be enough.

But I can’t do that while he is so happily laid back with no upward career trajectory. We are just not compatible at all in this regard and the thought of forcing myself to lower my standards makes me feel like I am being snuffed out by him.

But as stated I also suspect, contrary to the prevailing view, that most women strongly prefer a driven man who is motivated to maximize his family’s well being.

[/quote]

OP, I'm sorry. It's not fair that your husband expects you to stay in a high stress career so that he can coast without any stress. It seems to me that this is more about him being ok watching you suffer as long as he gets to keep avoiding responsibility. You never get to coast because he won't step up and earn enough to support the family. Of course you resent that.

The best marriages I've seen have the man supporting the family with a SAHM. Not necessarily even a really high earner, but a more traditional division of roles. Women generally do more domestic and childcare duties whether they work or not so it's not fair if they also have to work the same types of jobs let alone higher stress and longer hours. [/quote]

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