Reply to DH takes too long to respond to DC, it’s infuriating

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]At the Montessori school where my DS goes, they taught them to put stand next to the grownup whose attention they want and put their hand on their shoulder, instead of interrupting.

I don't know if this would work here or not but it might be worth teaching your DD to try that with your DH.

I do agree, though, that you don't have a great dynamic on your hands with DH.

You're nagging, he's defensive etc.  Not saying it's your fault -- just that the general dynamic seems kind of crappy.  Counseling maybe?[/quote]

That hand idea is a good one, I will try teaching that.

I don't nag -- most of the time I say nothing and just deal with whatever. I don't even have a chance to nag. If I say anything, ever, about this, he gets super defensive and annoyed.[/quote]

Look this is going to be controversial but—so what. Start a fight. Get mad. Tell him he’s being a sucky dad and husband. And DONT HELP THE KID. Say, “H would you set your freaking phone down? Larlo asked with help in the bathroom 3 times. Get up and help him NOW.”

I’ve been married 10 years, 3 kids, oldest is 9. If I hadn’t started picking fights and been willing to get mad it never would have gotten better. But instead I’m still married and still working (didn’t quit to pick up his slack like many moms do and like I consider). Yeah he got mad and defensive and it blew up but when he cooled down he had no real defense because I was right. [/quote]

I agree with this. I sometimes nicely and passively asked my husband to do things but it wasn't until I explained to him exactly how upset I was that he realized what he was doing. [/quote]
This can also backfire. I have tried picking a fight to demonstrate what an ongoing problem it was (we’ve discussed it calmly so…many…times) and DH got so upset and defensive that he literally moved out and said he wanted a divorce.

This isn’t worth losing my marriage over (at least to me) so I backed off and just bite my tongue now.  I hate that part, but I can’t go through another stage of my children crying all night long because daddy left them. It sucked. [/quote]

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