Reply to "Walkaway Wife"

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Reply to ""Walkaway Wife""

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I hear you saying he has changed but your feelings have not. Two things: first, you choose your feelings (they are created by your thoughts which are under your control). They are not just something that happen to you. Second, it’s hard to turn around a cruise liner. You were caught in a loop of (justified) negative thoughts for a long time. It’s unrealistic for you to expect to change your thoughts/feelings easily just because circumstances have changed. [/quote]
Thank you. I have tried to give myself that grace and he has also been very understanding about giving me time to heal. It’s taken him awhile to understand that this went on for years from my perspective compared to his emotional injuries which were more or less confined to my being emotionally absent last year.  We’ve unlearned some dysfunctional patterns which is great, I just struggle with how long we should tolerate this painful limbo before deciding it just won’t change. I guess your point is it can take a long time for those potential changes to happen and for a full deep love to return. [/quote]

I agree that’s true but it’s not a passive thing on your part. You have to choose to love him again. It’s not going to “return” you’re going to choose to make it your reality (or not). [/quote]

How many of us who believe in - and have experienced - falling in love would describe the initial "falling in" as a choice, though?  I understand, in part, what you are getting at, PP, but in practice and in concept, I think this is a hard idea for people who have married "for love" to grasp.[/quote]

Oh, I don’t know. Is that true, that falling in love the first time was passive? Weren’t you actively dating and trying to find someone to love? And didn’t you want to fall in love with some suitable guy? [/quote]

But, for many of us, it was FUN and gratifying, not work.[/quote]

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