Reply to Anyone ever contemplated getting a divorce together and then deciding it was too impractical?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Anyone ever contemplated getting a divorce together and then deciding it was too impractical? "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]Op, sorry you're in this situation.  It sucks.  It sounds to me like your DH is a big manchild.  He wants a boat and the ability to enjoy other expensive hobbies, but to afford them, he wants you to work harder and spend less time with the family than you already are.  Then he complains you're too exhausted to be "fun."  No wonder you feel resentful.  That's a completely normal way to feel in your situation.

My suggestion would be to do a consultation with a lawyer, not for the purpose of actually planning to get divorced, but just to understand your options.  Here is a game plan...

1) Look for referrals for divorce lawyers anonymously.  You can do this through things like facebook groups (doesn't have to be a divorce related page, could even be a mom's group or a town page) by either just searching for old posts where divorce lawyer is mentioned, or posting anonymously through the admin.

2) Once you have a list of names, google them and their firms, and highlight your favorites.

3) Call or email your favorites (but makes sure you have a bunch, like at least five or six) and see what you can discuss over the phone.  For some, it will be nothing, they won't talk to you until you pay for a consult.  For others, they'll be willing to spend time talking to you to get introduced and give you some background.  Hopefully if you call five or six, you'll find one or two willing to talk at greater length and you'll learn something.  These conversations will give you ideas of what to ask at a consult so you'll get the most out of it.

4) If any of them offer a free consult, do it, even if you don't really like the lawyer.  You have nothing to lose, and you don't have to go with them.  If anything, you'll have your initial, straightforward questions answered so you can get into more detail if you decide to do a paid consult with another lawyer.  It will also be like getting a free second opinion.

5) Pick the one you like the most to do a paid consult (assuming you still have questions).  It will probably be around $500, and last an hour or so.  Come prepared with specific questions so that you won't waste time or forget things you wanted to ask.  Before you do the consult (like on the phone when you schedule it) ask the more straightforward questions (like what their fee structure is, whether they'll always do your case or hand off to an associate, etc.) so that you don't waste time during the consult asking things that could've been answered off the clock, assuming the consult only entitles you to a certain amount of time.

From the consult, you'll have a much better understanding of some of the points you mention (like can he really pick the most expensive lawyer and expect you to pay for it, will he get more money if you stay in the marriage longer or will it not make a difference, what if you get a higher paying job, how will your savings and retirement be divided, etc.).  The lawyer will also probably give you a few tips of things you should be doing now if you think there's a chance you might divorce in the next few years (like making sure you're familiar with any of his bank accounts that are not joint, handling/changing things now that are in his or your name only so you're in a better position down the road, etc.).

6) Then, go back to your life.  Doing the consult does not mean divorce is imminent, it just means you learned something and paid $500 for that education.  It may allow you to feel stronger saying no to his demands (like the boat) and know that if the shit hits fan, you have options.  But maybe you'll stand your ground and he'll accept it, and you wont need to use those options.  Information is power, and you'll have a better sense of how things stand.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics