Reply to "I have my own way of doing things"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I may be (subconsciously) looking for reasons to avoid therapy, but I think you're just misinterpreting how I'm stating things. I'm literally just writing out my thoughts in some of this and it may read that way, but the way I see it is that there are a bunch of things (about therapy) that I haven't considered, that I need to think about. So the question of "who should we see for therapy" breaks down into a bunch of other questions that help point me into a direction of action, so I can say "look for someone in network", "will everybody require an analysis before we see them or can I search for somebody who won't require that" "how much will such a therapist cost", etc [/quote]

Hi OP! I am a parent with diagnosed ADHD who has a kid with likely ADHD who has not been evaluated and what you write makes total sense to me.

Therapy - sounds hard. Like they are going to make me do work and I will have to follow through. Also I will have to make appointments, remember to show up for them, navigate paying for them - and that’s just hard. Especially if I have to make a lot of phone calls or connect info from different sources. It’s just too much and I’ve disappointed myself so many times by not following through - so why get my hopes up, you know?

Also I hate finishing things because my personality and ego rest on a strong foundation of “possibility” and “potential unrealized”. What if I finish things - then what? What if my potential isn’t that great and I’m actually pretty mediocre, and not just a scatterbrained genius like people think?

Also what if I do make progress and improve my symptoms - and then I have to grieve all my mistakes and lost opportunities. And I don’t really want to go there.

Aghhhhh - but back to the kid. I have been sitting on the idea of getting my kid evaluated for over a year.  I have mentioned it to my husband but he has not helped because I have not explicitly asked for help and also he doesn’t have ADHD and does not understand at all. I also mask and cope pretty well so he is used to my quirks and my son’s quirks. But all the angst and excuses and fears above? We have got to get our stuff together and help our kids so they don’t feel like this at age 40.

I have asked here for advice on how to get started. Something is wrong with my kid - but I don’t know what. Maybe ADHD. Maybe SPD. Maybe anxiety. 
Do au ask my Ped? What kind of eval does my kid need - and what words do I use to get that? How do I know who is a good provider? I need a script for where to start. Neurotypical parents don’t understand how paralyzing and confusing this is - and the longer I wait, the more the shame grows from waiting, and the harder it is to do something - anything. I have only gotten unhelpful/vague/dismissive or really mean answers on DCUM.

I had hopes that special needs parents would be like “I navigated this! Let me help you!” But no. Perhaps I was foolish to anticipate some practical, logistical help, but I also went through fertility treatments to get pregnant and the infertility community is soooo supportive and helpful. People online will help you step by step figuring out how to navigate the system from step 1.

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