Reply to Anyone ever contemplated getting a divorce together and then deciding it was too impractical?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Anyone ever contemplated getting a divorce together and then deciding it was too impractical? "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Understand that your ex is not going to be obligated to do anything in your interest once you say the magic words.

He won't even be compelled to act in his own or even his kids' best interests. [/quote]

We have said it already. Multiple times. We are planning the logistics. And now that we have the logistics, it is hitting me (i dont know about him— he says he is scared also) hard. Yes, I have romantic fantasies about being married to a guy I can actually save for a future with and Im sure he has fantasies about a nonmean girl who supports his passions.

I thought finances were our biggest issue too. We had aggressively paid off his student loans— all his salary went there. I took care of everything. I thought we would be happy to pay them off, and start saving for college. Instead, it’s a f$&%#^ boat. Yes I am mean because it’s really hard for me. He and I both grew up poor but he seems to not care about the future because he might as well enjoy it now rather than fight inflation, whereas I am always petrified I’d lose my job and we wouldnt have enough savings to float us by.

Im gonna sign out now, but I just wanted to say thank you for all the feedback. I am scared to talk to others because maybe I am in denial, and this has been helpful.

[/quote]

OP, even though I am in a happy marriage, there is a similar dynamic with DH and myself where I like to save money and he likes to spend it. This is a significant issue and quite problematic if you can't come to an agreement on financial priorities. One thing that helped us was to get a financial planner. DHs do not want hear their wives nagging him about spending $ on frivolous purchases, but they are much more likely to listen to the importance of saving for college and retirement if it is coming from a financial professional, not a nagging spouse. Is this something that you could try?

Finally, I think if you try counseling and financial planning, and things still are not working out, and you are very unhappy, then it is time to consider if you want to be in this marriage. One thing that I have not seen you address, is he a good father? Given that you earn significantly more, I would expect that he contributes with the kids and around the house.[b] My parents are divorced and honestly my siblings and were not upset by this event, we practically welcomed it. Especially since our father was not a good father and our mother would have primary custody.[/b] On the other hand, I had friends who were very upset by their parents divorce and it can be quite traumatizing for some children and teens. It really depends on so many factors, it is just impossible to know how they will handle it. My parents are both so much happier now that they are with other people. [/quote]

Same, across the board.  Everyone was better off not in the same house, Mom had Primary everything, Dad was just fun when we saw him instead of angry and defensive due to child or home responsibilities he could not handle. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics