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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My teen DD is so mean, so cruel, so unrelenting that I am in tears nearly daily. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. She is a good student and from all reports lovely to others. But she takes everything out on me, says mean things to me, etc. daily. I mean it does not stop.

I am heartbroken over this. And worn out from all the crying. I swear, sometimes it feels like an abusive relationship. I have fantasies of running away.

I just want a day of peace, but every single day something inevitably sets her off and at some point I just can’t take it anymore. She doesn’t always see me cry—many times I make it out of the room. Other times she does.

I’m so tired of it.[/quote]

OP- I suggest that you set the boundary in advance. Approach your DD when things are calm. Tell her that you notice and are hurt by the things she says. Let her know that she has every right to her thoughts and feelings, but she is not permitted to say disrespectful, unkind things aloud. If it happens again, you will remove her phone for twenty four hours.

Expect that it will happen, then follow through. Don't respond or punish her behavior when you take the phone (she will likely try to manipulate the situation with apologies which you accept, but then escalate into anger when she realizes that you're not giving in and returning the phone--that's when you can leave the room).

Try to get remote access to her phone-- with Apple you can do this with family share. I don't ever physically try to take anything from an angry DS14- that's going to escalate things and become a real power struggle.

My DS has ADHD and some anxiety-- we are very familiar with impulsive, disrespectful language. We make sure he knows, in advance what will happen, then we follow through in a neutral manner. [/quote]

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