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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Losing the spark is NOT what 180 is for. That's for if she cheated on you and is going to leave. Sheesh.

You need to attract her and be attractive to her and make her feel attractive. She needs to do her part too. But that said, do more than kiss her and tell her she looks good. Do things all day that make her feel loved. Plan dates, have good conversation, flirt with her. Do novel things and stop doing stupid stuff like picking your nose or farting in her presence. Nothing kills my libido more than when DH is gross. Anything you wouldn't have done in your early days with her, don't do it now.[/quote]

NP here. That’s all well and good, but if the spark is not there those activities don’t help as much. I would say let her go out and reclaim her own spark. Let her flirt and feel attractive and remember what it’s like to have all those feelings. Feeling sexy is a state of mind. If your wife isn’t feeling it on her own there’s only so much you can do.

When I’m not feeling it there is really not much my husband can do, he could be perfect and I just wouldn’t be there. When I am feeling it then it takes no effort on his part. The truth is I have to get in touch with my self and sometimes him giving me space to do that is the path to reconnecting.[/quote]

I think you guys are both right. The main thing is that women need to really get in touch with themselves, to take charge of their own desire. I think men can encourage that in different ways. But what usually happens is that men make it about the man’s desire. I think the encouragement has to come from a truly selfless place. Which is of course not easy. [/quote]

If men want to have sex with their wives, they first have to not want sex. This advice comes up periodically. It's very Zen. [/quote]

Woman here. That’s BS. If a woman is in the mood for love then she wants to be desired, period. If she’s not in the mood then whether you want it or not is irrelevant.

As for how to get her in the mood, I think PP was right that the wife has to first get in a sexy frame of mind by doing her own thing. Whatever that is. For some women it could be running a company and for others it might be running a marathon. For some women it is dressing up, for others it’s having nothing on the to do list. Many men wonder why their wives aren’t in the mood and don’t even have a clue how challenging it is for most women to address their basic needs and desires.[/quote]

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