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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Losing the spark is NOT what 180 is for. That's for if she cheated on you and is going to leave. Sheesh.

You need to attract her and be attractive to her and make her feel attractive. She needs to do her part too. But that said, do more than kiss her and tell her she looks good. Do things all day that make her feel loved. Plan dates, have good conversation, flirt with her. Do novel things and stop doing stupid stuff like picking your nose or farting in her presence. Nothing kills my libido more than when DH is gross. Anything you wouldn't have done in your early days with her, don't do it now.[/quote]

NP here. That’s all well and good, but if the spark is not there those activities don’t help as much. I would say let her go out and reclaim her own spark. Let her flirt and feel attractive and remember what it’s like to have all those feelings. Feeling sexy is a state of mind. If your wife isn’t feeling it on her own there’s only so much you can do.

When I’m not feeling it there is really not much my husband can do, he could be perfect and I just wouldn’t be there. When I am feeling it then it takes no effort on his part. The truth is I have to get in touch with my self and sometimes him giving me space to do that is the path to reconnecting.[/quote]

I think you guys are both right. The main thing is that women need to really get in touch with themselves, to take charge of their own desire. I think men can encourage that in different ways. But what usually happens is that men make it about the man’s desire. I think the encouragement has to come from a truly selfless place. Which is of course not easy. [/quote]

Yes. And although a vacation is nice, it’s not a bandaid for a larger structural issue. If there is libido loss due to hormones, or if a woman is so overwhelmed by being singly responsible for the kids that she doesn’t have time to focus on her own life and interests, then you need to address those underlying concerns. When a woman is not happy and fulfilled in her own life she is not really in the mood to be seduced by her husband, who she probably blames (consciously or unconsciously) for that lack of fulfillment.[/quote]

Op again:
You nailed it; this has been an insane year and she hasn’t been working And our kids are all home.  
I’m gonna get her all the freedom I can, it looks like the kids are headed back in September so maybe some of this will turn around.[/quote]

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