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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It totally depends on your temperament and the temperament of your kids. If you are fine with chaos and not every kid getting to be in every activity (or you missing those activities) three is fine. If you have easy kids three is fine.

I have a low tolerance for chaos. I really wanted three though, so I'm a SAHM mom with a full time nanny and parents who live down the street. If we weren't able to have those things we probably would have stopped at one. I had to choose career or 3, because my DH works 70 hours a week and someone had to be home.

The way we look at it- it's hard but [b]the reward comes in 30 years with a full thanksgiving or Christmas table.[/b] We want a big family to enjoy as we age and are putting in the work now. [/quote]

DP who has three: I see the bolded reasoning a lot, and I think it’s completely illogical.  First, you have to *get through* the time of having three kids: don’t make decisions based on a future that far down the road.  Second, nothing is given.  You have NO idea what the future holds, so don’t live for it.  Finally, if you overextend yourself that much to raise the big family you always wanted, ignoring the reality of what it’s like to raise said family, there’s a decent chance you won’t have the kind of home life that makes adult kids want to spend that much time with their parents later on.  Very few people can afford the resources of a SAH parent AND a full-time nanny AND grandparents down the street.  That’s… not realistic for most.

We have three and love it and embrace the chaos and messiness that comes with raising three kids.  I certainly hope we’ll all be close in 20+ years and for grandkids and all that, but I can’t fathom using such a long timeframe to drive this kind of decision.  DH and I love having three kids *now* and look forward to *raising them*, not the time when they’ll be out of the house.[/quote]

Wow you are reading a lot into my post that isn't there, and incredibly rude to boot. How is wanting my kids for Christmas or thanksgiving (not AND, OR, I'm realistic that they will have other things going on in their life) expecting my adult kids to spend a lot of time with me? I pity you that you don't think your kids will want to spend a holiday with you.

And where did I say we don't enjoy raising our kids? Absolutely nowhere. We love it, what WHY WE HAD THREE. I have a nanny because I prioritize spending a lot of one on one time with my kids, I'm never without a child. My husband devotes every second he isn't working to our kids.

I'm not saying you need to have these resources to have three, I'm saying for me, with my anxiety and OCD it would have been impossible to have three and a job, so I picked this version of life and I'm very happy with it.

Ask yourself why you're reading the worst possible motives into someone's else's anodyne post.  [/quote]

NP but I think it was pretty clear it was directed at the reasoning ("I want a large group at Christmas in 20 years, so I'll have three" which I agree, you see a lot on DCUM, and I also agree it's a problematic argument for having three for the reasons given.  I don't think it was directed at your situation in particular.[/quote]

12:20 here, and not the PP you're talking with (and to you other pp, for the record, you come across as uber privileged haha...I think OP and most of our lives would be pretty sweet if we could afford to not work and have a full time nanny! with family down the street to boot. And that isn't a criticism that you have those things, just that you present them as something attainable and sensible for like, anything more than .05% of the country). I think you're being a little harsh. My vision for my life as an old person certainly informed my childbearing desires. My parents both came from large irish catholic families and still today I am close with my buckets of cousins and aunts and uncles and my own siblings. And wanting those types of big loud messy fun get togethers as adults 100% influenced me.

I don't think this should be the only reason you have a lot of kids, and you certainly should not have more kids than you can handle in order to achieve this as you will end up perhaps sabotaging the effort by ending up divorced or with kids who hate you, but acting like people should be immune to the idea that they make decisions about the present to create a future they are seeking is also IMO somewhat silly. Why are you putting money in your 401k if you're only living for today? [/quote]

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