Reply to What evidence do you need to get full custody?

Forum Index » Parenting -- Special Concerns

Reply to "What evidence do you need to get full custody?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Honestly, don’t fight for full custody. If you do, it will get bad.
Ask for primary physical custody due to school (or whatever). Typically dads are ok with that. 
Like most non-custodial dads, it will be 2 weekends a month and usually 50/50 summer. Typically they cancel and it goes to a weekend every other month.[/quote]

Any educated or loving dad doesn't take this anymore and that's why the situation is changing. [/quote]

You’re right. Fathers who ask for 50/50 custody will get it absent documented serious physical or sexual abuse against the child.  (Not a threat of abuse, not abuse against the Mom, not irresponsibility or negligence - documented serious physical or sexual abuse directly against the child)

But, IME, educated and loving Dads who know they have a personal problem that prevents them from being a good custodian wi sometimes willingly give up physical custody as long as they have reasonable visitation.

My ex had a mental illness that also caused him to abuse alcohol and prescription drugs and engage in questionable behavior. I never thought he would hit or sexually abuse the kids but he was not capable if primary custody. We split when the kids were little and although I offered him 50/50, he never took it. I allowed him to come eat with the kids at our house a couple times a week and he would come get them on Sundays for varying lengths of time but always bring them home to sleep at my house.

He came pretty regularly, but when he wasn’t feeling great he would make excuses about not feeling well or having a work obligation, etc. and leave or cancel.

The key was I never made him feel like a bad dad or pressured him for more.

The downside for me was that it had a tremendous negative impact on my career and personal life to always be available and flexible like that.

For the kids, they grew to know him and love him and have happy memories  but also were disappointed when he wouldn’t keep promises about time together. As they got older, they recognized when he was unsafe or negligent and learned to advocate for themselves. They have a good relationship with him.

Maybe your DH would be the same?  They seem to know what they are capable of and not, and as long as they are not being cast as a bad dad for not having custody, they are fine with visitation.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics