Reply to Racist relative wants to see my kids

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Racist relative wants to see my kids"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As someone who grew up in the south, I had multiple incredibly racist relatives. I also had some relatives who were very forward thinking. For example, one married a Cherokee woman and another married an Eskimo (I don't know if it's kosher to say that rn but that is how they described her). Some relatives would be like "don't know what he saw in her, her face is so flat and small eyes!" Don't get me started on comments about black people. But, they were always nice to me. They loved me and were good family members. I benefited from being in their presence. When they said racist stuff, I knew they were idiots in that regard - ignorant, uneducated, and backward. People are complex. What is harmful about being around a family member with a stupid view (unless it puts you in direct danger)? If anything it's a learning experience and a foil of how not to behave[/quote]

PP again. As I think about this more, I just want to add that I think this part of the larger cultural push to surround yourself with people who create an echo chamber. I've seen so many posts that are like "could you be friends with a Trump supporter?!" Of course, why not? I am an atheist and have been friends with Christians, Muslims and Jews my whole life. Why could i not be friends with someone who has different political views? He loves guns, I don't. How does that affect our relationship? It strikes me as very callous when people extend that thinking to their own family members. The idea that everyone should think the same as you, even if their views are ridiculous in your eyes (which I think 99% of us can agree racist views certainly are), it seems very egotistical and I would say narcissistic, as well as sheltered, to only surround yourselves with people who share all your same views.[/quote]

Are there any views that you find so harmful that they would render the person holding them odious enough to you to avoid his or her company? If so, then you are basically saying that racist views don't rise to that level, in your view. Some of us feel differently.[/quote]

I definitely think this one is borderline. I'm speaking from the kids' perspective. I'm also someone in an interracial marriage. My parents are a little bit racist (probably moderately racist by DCUM standards). They really love their biracial grandkids. I have never heard one negative word out of their mouth, nor has my wife or kids, since we got married. Likewise, my extended family welcomed her with open arms. She keeps telling me everyone is so wonderful and thinks I must be lying about them being racist. I'm just like, "no, they're hella racist." It upsets ME, but I'm speaking from the kids' perspective. They love seeing their extended family and are spoiled by them. It enriches their lives as well. Do I agree with their views - absolutely not. Does it upset ME? Yes. I have all these memories of the bad statements they have made. But it's not about me, it's about the net positive benefit to the family. I agree with you that people feel differently. Just like some people are like, "OMG HE WANTS LOW TAXES I CANNOT POSSIBLY TALK TO HIM"[/quote]

I think this whole discussion really shows a difference in how people want to be -- and that's okay. Some people don't want to stand for racism in their family, particularly when children are involved, and that is 100% respectable. I am in that camp. But I also know people who have experienced even more blatant racism than my family (we are a mixed-race marriage and family who met and married in the in the 20-teens, another couple we know was a mixed-race couple starting in the 1980s... took a whole ten years for the white side of the family to even acknowledge them).

When I brought up our own experiences with racism in my family, and how we just don't want anything to do with those members who have said horribly racist things regarding my husband and our children, and defended themselves, their (the older mixed-race couple's) response surprisingly was, "Well, they're your family, don't cut them out completely... Show them you're always open to talk and that you love them..." I totally respect that point of view. But honestly, I can't live like that. Throwing myself, my husband and children under the bus to make racist relatives feel more comfortable. I just don't want anything to do with them.

I think the above poster is mixing up political beliefs/opinions with blatant racism. You can disagree on guns and taxes. To me, you can't continue to let racists feel comfortable being racist.

Note: Highly recommend the book Racism without Racists.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics