Reply to “I want to come over and help”-complaining

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am going crazy with my family saying they want to come over and “help” with my newborn while my husband is working long hours. It is not helpful to hold the baby and take pictures so (1) I can’t nurse and then (2) expect me to sit there visiting with you. Either hold the baby and give her a bottle, change her if she needs it, etc so I can run around and do stuff (shower/laundry/dishes, pump, send work emails...whatever) or, I don’t know, run the dishwasher and take out the recycling while I sit with her. This is driving me absolutely insane. [/quote]

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this.  It's such a burden to enforce expectations and boundaries on top of dealing with a newborn.  Maybe you have a partner or immediate family member that can help?  I have a disfunctional extended family and I've found that the only thing that "works" is to be very explicit about boundaries, and it usually gets them angry at me, but in the end it is effective.  Was easier once I realized that I was willing to jeopardize the relationship for my mental health.[/quote]

Also I don't know if this is the case here, but there are some narcissism/ power dynamics going on in my family that contribute to this behavior. Once I realized that certain people did not, in fact, care about helping/my baby/my needs in any real or compassionate way, but rather wanted to take pics and use the situation for self-promotion on social media, it was easier to set expectations.[/quote]

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