Anonymous
06/30/2021 19:05
Subject: “I want to come over and help”-complaining
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am going crazy with my family saying they want to come over and “help” with my newborn while my husband is working long hours. It is not helpful to hold the baby and take pictures so (1) I can’t nurse and then (2) expect me to sit there visiting with you. Either hold the baby and give her a bottle, change her if she needs it, etc so I can run around and do stuff (shower/laundry/dishes, pump, send work emails...whatever) or, I don’t know, run the dishwasher and take out the recycling while I sit with her. This is driving me absolutely insane.
If I visit someone who has just had a baby, then it is to deliver a.meal. I do not do your laundry, change a diaper, or wash dishes. Also I only stay for five minutes because I do not care to hear about birth or even see baby. You sound incredibly ungrateful.
You sound like a peach. Though hopefully you make a decent casserole.
A gouret cook and I deliver a full meal. I just don't care about your labor and do not care if your kid cries all night. I also do not care if you had no sleep for a month. You chose to have a baby and these are the conquences!
Why are you demanding to see the baby if you don’t give a hoot about how mom and baby are doing?
Evidently, you cannot read as I sid that I have no desire to see the baby. I bring the food so that the family has at least one decent meal.
Evidently, you cannot write, as your posts are riddled with spelling errors. You still haven't explained why you are dropping food off to someone who you don't care about at all based on what you've mentioned in your posts (don't care about the baby or mom). Why should ANYONE be grateful for your crappy casserole? I bet it has cat hair in it.
Anonymous
06/29/2021 18:21
Subject: “I want to come over and help”-complaining
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am going crazy with my family saying they want to come over and “help” with my newborn while my husband is working long hours. It is not helpful to hold the baby and take pictures so (1) I can’t nurse and then (2) expect me to sit there visiting with you. Either hold the baby and give her a bottle, change her if she needs it, etc so I can run around and do stuff (shower/laundry/dishes, pump, send work emails...whatever) or, I don’t know, run the dishwasher and take out the recycling while I sit with her. This is driving me absolutely insane.
I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. It's such a burden to enforce expectations and boundaries on top of dealing with a newborn. Maybe you have a partner or immediate family member that can help? I have a disfunctional extended family and I've found that the only thing that "works" is to be very explicit about boundaries, and it usually gets them angry at me, but in the end it is effective. Was easier once I realized that I was willing to jeopardize the relationship for my mental health.
Also I don't know if this is the case here, but there are some narcissism/ power dynamics going on in my family that contribute to this behavior. Once I realized that certain people did not, in fact, care about helping/my baby/my needs in any real or compassionate way, but rather wanted to take pics and use the situation for self-promotion on social media, it was easier to set expectations.
Anonymous
06/29/2021 18:18
Subject: “I want to come over and help”-complaining
Anonymous wrote:I am going crazy with my family saying they want to come over and “help” with my newborn while my husband is working long hours. It is not helpful to hold the baby and take pictures so (1) I can’t nurse and then (2) expect me to sit there visiting with you. Either hold the baby and give her a bottle, change her if she needs it, etc so I can run around and do stuff (shower/laundry/dishes, pump, send work emails...whatever) or, I don’t know, run the dishwasher and take out the recycling while I sit with her. This is driving me absolutely insane.
I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. It's such a burden to enforce expectations and boundaries on top of dealing with a newborn. Maybe you have a partner or immediate family member that can help? I have a disfunctional extended family and I've found that the only thing that "works" is to be very explicit about boundaries, and it usually gets them angry at me, but in the end it is effective. Was easier once I realized that I was willing to jeopardize the relationship for my mental health.
Anonymous
06/29/2021 18:00
Subject: “I want to come over and help”-complaining
I would refuse to get out of bed. They can take the baby and leave the room so I can sleep. Bring her back for nursing. Otherwise I am not getting up. I'm not shopping, doing laundry, or cleaning. Make it crystal clear.
Anonymous
06/29/2021 17:54
Subject: “I want to come over and help”-complaining
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am going crazy with my family saying they want to come over and “help” with my newborn while my husband is working long hours. It is not helpful to hold the baby and take pictures so (1) I can’t nurse and then (2) expect me to sit there visiting with you. Either hold the baby and give her a bottle, change her if she needs it, etc so I can run around and do stuff (shower/laundry/dishes, pump, send work emails...whatever) or, I don’t know, run the dishwasher and take out the recycling while I sit with her. This is driving me absolutely insane.
If I visit someone who has just had a baby, then it is to deliver a.meal. I do not do your laundry, change a diaper, or wash dishes. Also I only stay for five minutes because I do not care to hear about birth or even see baby. You sound incredibly ungrateful.
You sound like a peach. Though hopefully you make a decent casserole.
A gouret cook and I deliver a full meal. I just don't care about your labor and do not care if your kid cries all night. I also do not care if you had no sleep for a month. You chose to have a baby and these are the conquences!
Why are you demanding to see the baby if you don’t give a hoot about how mom and baby are doing?
Evidently, you cannot read as I sid that I have no desire to see the baby. I bring the food so that the family has at least one decent meal.
Anonymous
06/29/2021 17:34
Subject: “I want to come over and help”-complaining
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am going crazy with my family saying they want to come over and “help” with my newborn while my husband is working long hours. It is not helpful to hold the baby and take pictures so (1) I can’t nurse and then (2) expect me to sit there visiting with you. Either hold the baby and give her a bottle, change her if she needs it, etc so I can run around and do stuff (shower/laundry/dishes, pump, send work emails...whatever) or, I don’t know, run the dishwasher and take out the recycling while I sit with her. This is driving me absolutely insane.
If I visit someone who has just had a baby, then it is to deliver a.meal. I do not do your laundry, change a diaper, or wash dishes. Also I only stay for five minutes because I do not care to hear about birth or even see baby. You sound incredibly ungrateful.
You sound like a peach. Though hopefully you make a decent casserole.
A gouret cook and I deliver a full meal. I just don't care about your labor and do not care if your kid cries all night. I also do not care if you had no sleep for a month. You chose to have a baby and these are the conquences!
Why are you demanding to see the baby if you don’t give a hoot about how mom and baby are doing?
Literally this. I would prefer no one come over, so why are you both imposing and complaining about it?
Anonymous
06/29/2021 14:40
Subject: “I want to come over and help”-complaining
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am going crazy with my family saying they want to come over and “help” with my newborn while my husband is working long hours. It is not helpful to hold the baby and take pictures so (1) I can’t nurse and then (2) expect me to sit there visiting with you. Either hold the baby and give her a bottle, change her if she needs it, etc so I can run around and do stuff (shower/laundry/dishes, pump, send work emails...whatever) or, I don’t know, run the dishwasher and take out the recycling while I sit with her. This is driving me absolutely insane.
If I visit someone who has just had a baby, then it is to deliver a.meal. I do not do your laundry, change a diaper, or wash dishes. Also I only stay for five minutes because I do not care to hear about birth or even see baby. You sound incredibly ungrateful.
You sound like a peach. Though hopefully you make a decent casserole.
A gouret cook and I deliver a full meal. I just don't care about your labor and do not care if your kid cries all night. I also do not care if you had no sleep for a month. You chose to have a baby and these are the conquences!
Why are you demanding to see the baby if you don’t give a hoot about how mom and baby are doing?
Anonymous
06/29/2021 12:43
Subject: “I want to come over and help”-complaining
Anonymous wrote:I should’ve explained- I live next to another family member and they arranged most of the visits without asking me. So my choice was to either lock the door and stay inside (which would make me look crazy) or allow this. My extended family can be demanding and dramatic and this would’ve been a huge issue.
"Oh Julie! You really shouldn't have arranged visits without talking to me first. Please don't ever do that again. I'm not up for entertaining people. You'll have to call the people you've made arrangements with and tell them you were mistaken to assume I wanted to entertain after just giving birth. I'm not going to be able to host Uncle Gilbert and Aunt Sybil." PUT IT ON THE RELATIVE. THIS IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM TO ABOSRB.