Reply to Why are some girls so lucky in love and others struggle?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, at 50 years of age and [b]having worked three decades in domestic violence advocacy and the family court system on divorces and child custody battles and dependency/neglect cases[/b] involving children in need of care, and just observing the lives of many people fairly close up from family to friends to neighbors etc., I think you have in your mind an inaccuracy about the number of people who are truly lucky in love.

[b]I would posit that *maybe* 10% of marriages/committed long term relationships involve people who are truly lucky in love, have truly healthy vibrant loving relationships with their spouses. The other 90% are some form of misery, [/b]whether low grade persistent unhappiness but staying together for the kids to hostility and physical abuse and even ending in murder, as I’m sure you’ve heard the well known (and accurate) statistic that most women who are murdered  are murdered by a current or former lover or spouse.

Most of the marriages here at DCUM aren’t truly healthy or born of luck in love; this comes up in all the family related postings all the time. If they aren’t revealing the dysfunction of their marriages through the various complaints over this or that, they’re putting on a full force PR campaign defending their perfect marriage and perfect kids.

Even if you stay single the rest of your life, you’ve a higher chance of having a healthy happy life. That’s an accurate statistic, too. I encourage you to explore the body of research done on single/never married women, their longevity compared to those who enter domestic servitude, and the rates of disease and mental well-being they exhibit compared to their married peers. There’s a reason far more women than men choose to remain single after divorce or being widowed. [/quote]

I think your experiences at work are skewing your opinion here.[/quote]

I’ve wondered that at times, but it’s down to statistics, not bias. The rate of divorce, the rate of domestic violence, the rate of homicide in marriages/families, the rates of marital bliss as measured in sociological research, etc.

I’ve also worked extensively in the home health care industry in recent years, and see families VERY close up under the more difficult circumstances of life. In my experience there, in the midst of intact families dealing with chronic or terminal illness in a family member, I’d say my assertion of 90% of families range from lower level to extreme dysfunction is spot on.

Honestly, I think many married people get into a dysfunctional dynamic and can’t even see how gross it is, but those of us on the outside looking in see it very clearly. In 50 years I can count on one hand the marriages I’ve seen and envied in any way. But then, I’m very independent and could never EVER swallow the shit that so many women swallow every day for the better part of their lives. Some people prefer that to struggling through the challenges of life on their own.[/quote]

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