Reply to People with a lot of friends and a big support system -- how do they do it? (Question about sister)

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Reply to "People with a lot of friends and a big support system -- how do they do it? (Question about sister)"

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[quote=Anonymous]I think the two biggest factors are:

- Being part of a community that tends to help each other out in this way. Also, importantly, that tends to use social media to help. I was in a community before that was super active on social media, which meant if a person had surgery, everyone knew about it. And then they’d see posts of some friends visiting, and that would make them want to do something too, and it would snowball. Social media really reinforces a culture of helping out.

- Having social capital. And I agree that while theoretically this could come from being very generous and kind, it is as if not more likely to come from being in a position of authority (i.e. being the youth outreach director at church), bring very extroverted and charismatic.

I think this can work in a healthy and mutually beneficial way, but there is also 100% a dark side that PPs have alluded to. What looks like a wonderfully supportive community can actually be gossipy and awful for some on the inside. The one I was part of would bend over backwards to help certain members, but I watched them ignore/abandon others in times if need simply because they were less popular. Everyone wants to be seen visibly checking in on one of the popular people on Facebook; only the actually kindhearted will make the effort to check in on someone without social capital offline.

I also saw how some people with social capital exploit it for this very purpose, and thrive off the constant cycle of attention, concern, and support. And if they are in a position of authority, this power feeds that and they can get dangerous.

In other words, while I know how appealing this looks, it’s not always as great as you think. A lot of the people wishing your sister well may have felt social pressure to do it (not even from your sister, but from others), and there are likely others in her community who are or have suffered their own difficulties without that support, even though they are perfectly wonderful people. Sometimes this stuff is arbitrary. Very occasionally, it’s downright malicious. There are times a miss that sense if community support, but at least now I know my 3-5 friends who check on me when I’m in a bad way are doing it simply because they like me. And they do it privately— it’s not a show. In the end, I’ve come to appreciate that a lot more.[/quote]

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