Reply to Is it selfish to move abroad for good when you're an only child?

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Reply to "Is it selfish to move abroad for good when you're an only child?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, what you describe is the human condition. The fact that you refuse to accept that and continue to try to place blame on these relatives speak to some kind of denial.

What is the purpose of your post? To convince everyone that your relatives were horrible people? By your own admission, your dad was difficult to care for and sabotaged his own care (canceling aide). You only know what you're told. There might be plenty history between your relatives and your dad that you don't know and you're now biased against these relatives.

I'll give you grace and excuse this as your grief speaking. But you need to do a lot of self examination to figure out why you're placing disproportionate blames on others. Maybe you could extend some grace to your relatives too.[/quote]

The purpose of my post? I am still hurting after all these years. I feel guilty. I don't feel guilty for moving abroad, I had my parents' full support. Neither they nor I knew that their health would decline so quickly.
I do feel guilty about not having been able to provide the care and support to both my parents that I would have if I had stayed. Sadly I cannot turn back the clock.

Some of you suggested that I could have moved back temporarily. Unfortunately that was not an option. DH and I had jobs and a mortgage to pay. DH would never have left his country and I don't think we could have lived apart. It wouldn't have worked.

I was mad at my relatives because to me, at the time, it felt as they didn't care much for my Dad who was THEIR relative too after all.

You say 'you only know what you are told. Very true. In fact both my Mom and Dad tried to 'protect' me when by not telling me everything. My Mom didn't even want my Dad to tell me she was terminally ill because it would disrupt our lives. And Dad relied on others when he was ill for the same reason.

I do not have a close relationship with my family, apart from the very elderly relatives who are now in their 90s. They always appreciate my calls and my visits. I hardly hear from the others. It is always me initiating contact or meet ups when I visit. 
Frankly I fear my own old age.[/quote]

OP, I think you could benefit from talking to a professional about your guilt and resentment.  It's clearly still eating at you after time has passed, and maybe they can help you move on.  [/quote]

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